Survivor
Plan Voodoo

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 2 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Dos Boots

Previously on Yeesh, I Take Back Everything I Ever Said About Mashed Potatoes, OKAY?: the Raro men thumped on their chests and growled meaningfully. The reward challenge brought Adam and Nate a little closer to Seven Minutes In He-Man Heaven, and ultimately gave Raro even more ways than that to get all spicy-like. Jonathan went to Exile Island, dug Yao Ming's grave, and decided that somebody else already had the idol. Not Yao Ming -- the other idol. Cristina was beginning to get on everyone's nerves, especially the octopus whose parts she uncaringly slopped all over the beach. Jenny started to seem more and more like one of those girls who could easily get kind of "Oh. Mah. GAHD" about everything, though more figuratively than literally. Aitu won a really cool immunity challenge where they piled everybody onto a tiny little tower, and Raro just had too much bulk for its own good and had to send somebody home. At first, it seemed like Cristina was going to bossify herself right to a place called Sequester, but at the last minute, Stephannie chose the wrong moment for a carbohydrate craving and found herself branded a quitter and sent packing on the slow gravy boat to nowhere. Thus, Cristina was spared the boot, though not the sort of painful lecture at tribal council about what a bossypants she is.

We are pre-credits, post-tribal-council, on Night 14 at Raro. A small lizard wonders what everyone will have to say about who was voted off when they return. He is fascinated. He is on pins and needles. Several rats, meanwhile, are eating as quickly as they can in anticipation of being interrupted at any moment. Parvati walks dead-eyed across the screen in night vision, describing it as a "rough tribal council." Rebecca explains to us that the moments immediately after tribal council were pretty tense, because Cristina turned out to be kind of offended by the wholesale drawing and quartering to which she was subjected in front of Probst. Rebecca insists that nobody meant for it to be a giant, grade-school, dodgeball-like pile-on. These things just happen. They're out of everyone's control. It's not as if you can make choices about what comes out of your mouth; you just have to -- what's the phrase I'm thinking of? -- keep it real! It's keeping-it-real time at Raro! I love keeping-it-real time! It's the best time of the year to see assholes in bloom.

Cristina sits at the fire with Adam and Jenny, and she apparently can't believe she sat through all that dismissive lecturing from such a bunch of scrubs. You can sort of tell that this is her attitude. She tells Adam that, in the past few days, she's noticed people being kind of rude and nasty to her, even just about small matters like passing things to her. "I said you were annoying today!" Adam says, as if this is some kind of...defense? I guess he's arguing that he told her how he felt, and that he didn't merely take it out on her by refusing to pass the coconuts. Or whatever. Cristina tells Adam that he didn't tell her she was annoying. Returning quickly to the matter of manners, Adam accuses Cristina of saying "gimme that" when she wants things passed to her. She insists that she always says "please," and he tells her that she doesn't. This is...riveting, really. The whole matter of who said "please" and who did not say "please" is the reason this show became a hit.

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Survivor

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