Pulling Your Own Weight

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Joanna: B- | Grade It Now!
Row, Row, Row Your Dopes!

At Tagi, Richard is playing with a "yellow-banded sea crepe," or something like that. It's a snake. He says, "I'm hopin' he goes for a swim. I might help him," and then flicks the snake off the tree with his finger and comments, "He's awake now." Richard feels justified teasing this snake because he played with garter snakes when he was a kid. We had garter snakes in my first grade classroom; I don't think they present much of a danger. Richard then explains that he "doesn't want to be bitten by something deadly." I propose that the best way to prevent such an accident would be to avoid taunting deadly things. Richard says, "I wanna put him in the water 'cause I wanna watch him swim," and then grabs it by the tail and hurls it into the water; it comes swimming right back up to him and snaps at one of the cameras. Richard then says, "We've been told that they're extremely deadly. Immediately deadly. Within six hours deadly." He then slaps his ankle with the snake slithering a foot away and says, "Horseflies bother me more." I suspect that we're supposed to think Richard's so Zen about this, when we all know he'll be squealing like a pig if the snake really comes at him.

Sean tells us far more than we want to know when he says he had a bowel movement for the first time in two weeks. "This morning, I had my first bowel movement. Felt fantastic!" He high-fives Kelly and exclaims, "I am now one of the bowel movers." The Bowel Movers sounds like a title for a Stephen King novel. Sean ambles down the beach, all rolled-pants and nipple-ring and backwards-baseball-cap. He tells us he's not bloated or anything, which I'm so glad to know. He then says, "It's a way to start the day off, with a little bit of a bowel movement. Nice work Sean. Go, New York, Go!" We then see various shots of Dirk looking emaciated, and Sean then tells us they're concerned about Dirk's weight loss. Dirk says, "I definitely lost lots of mass, a lot of muscle mass, a lot of strength. It's not gonna help me, but as long as I conserve my energy, don't waste it on a lot of things that we don't need, as long as I'm smart about it, I think I'll be okay." I think Dirk is incapable of being "smart" about anything, and besides, this just sounds like a big fat excuse to get out of work. Susan tells Dirk, "You [sic] lookin' like hell. You look like a Nazi-War-camp prisoner, dude." She then tells him his arm is as big as hers, and he says, "It was before." Hey, man, don't harsh on the size of a woman's arm; sometimes it's just hereditary and she can't help it, okay? Kelly tells us the labor thing is better, and Sue agrees, but borrows words from Jenna to say that it's a "little too late," as we see Dirk and Sean going on a tapioca hunt. Dirk says, "Maybe I am on thin ice with this team now, I don't know. I feel like I'm pulling my weight, and I think the group sees that. I'm just gonna find tapioca and I'm just gonna let it work itself out." Richard and Sue talk about their alliance, and they're bothered by the fact that Sean criticized such pairings and said it's "do unto others." Richard says, "I was just thinkin', 'Boy, Sean, it's time for you to go.'" Susan nods her head in her evil sunglasses. As Dirk and Sean forage through the woods, Dirk shouts out, "I can't find any tapioca, man! I don't know where it is!" Maybe Dirk's been hogging the wild mushrooms out here, or else he's just high on God. They find a hermit crab, and Sean says they make them big here in the jungle. Dirk makes no sense when he responds, "What about the tapioca, they make any tapioca big in this jungle?" But then he makes perfect sense when he says, "I'm suckin' at this jungle thing." Sean finds a crop of tapioca, only one of which is good; the rest are "mushy." I don't know how he knows good tapioca from bad tapioca. They report back to Sue, who says, "So that's it for the tapioca, then," as if it's their fault. Then Sue just turns back to what is perhaps the team's greatest cause: sunbathing. Dirk says maybe he and Sean aren't a good team and Sean replies, "But we're a fun team." Aw.

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