Survivor
Quest For Food

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Just Parashoot Me
his virgin ass). Dirk tells us in his confessional, "You know, homosexual people tend to talk about their homosexuality all the time and it's really annoying me," and then tells Richard that he seems to "talk about sex an awful lot." Richard says, "Nobody's gonna tell me what not to do, what not to talk about. If it's offensive to anybody, I stop immediately." I think Dirk just tried to tell you he's offended, Richard; I for one am glad you missed the hint. Dirk meanwhile is madly trying to chew his tongue off to avoid further conversation with these sinners. He tells us, "Maybe that's just me but if he could cut that out he'd almost be perfect around camp." Dirk pretends like it would be better if Richard would stop talking about sex; but we know he really means it would be better if Richard stopped being gay.

Just Peachy appears to tell us there's another challenge coming up; he is strolling down a narrow stretch of beach with ocean on each side. Is there a name for this type of a body of water? And Greg wants to know, if there is, what sexual position would it be?

I'd just rather see less hind-view footage of Richard running down the beach to check his treemail. Is that too much to ask? Whenever I walk down a beach, I always feel like one of those people in the Huey Lewis video, when the fat sunburned people have all their crap and are stumbling along eating hot dogs and shit. But this is really not my problem -- at least one of the cameramen has an unhealthy fetish for Richard's love handles. And I'm not so bothered that I'd grab Richard by the ear and make him run up a hill a four o'clock in the morning. Only a crazy person would do that! After yet another jiggle shot of Richard running back to Tagi, we hear the eloquently stated task, which I will repeat here: "Lucky for you there's not much to do to prepare for the next big race / Just old on tight and use all your might and stay down till your blue in the face / Gasping for air, weight you cannot bear, before you're done you may quit / The fish you desire are yours to acquire, if you're the first to the sand strip." I think Emily Dickinson wrote that one. I'm nearly positive. I surmise that Richard must have some expertise in diving as deduces that, "It's gotta be underwater, holding your breath, getting sumpin', getting somewhere." He then says, "Come on, SEAL," and makes lewd blowing faces at Rudy.

Joel gets the mail at Pagong and Ramoaner says "it's cool" to be underwater; she must not have seen the first episode. Gervase tells us that he's not much of a swimmer but his team will just have to suck it up because "that's what a team does." A team also trains, practices, and prepares for the sport in which they'll compete. Let's just say you're, well, a youth basketball coach. First you would learn how to play basketball and you would expect your team to do the same. So wouldn't you probably learn how to swim if you knew you'd be competing at island games for profit?

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