At Tagi Day Eight, Richard is all "spear this" and "spear that." He says, "Yesterday's competition was great. Uh [sic], that was the, uh [sic], pulling the treasure up from the water and draggin' it in and gettin' the mask and snorkel." This tips me off that this interview did not happen the day after the race since he describes it for us like he's trying to remember it himself. He then says, "Oh baby, that made me feel good. I wanted that mask and snorkel from day one." And we're supposed to think that is a really long time but I know I've waited for things I want for a hell of a lot longer than seven days, and most of them I'm still waiting for, come to think of it.
As Richard heads out with the spear and we see various shots of him poking and prodding in dark underwater places, Sean says in a voice-over, "Richard, he overestimates himself sometimes and, uh [sic], we were kinda thinkin' he wasn't going to catch anything. When you snorkel down there, there's nothing even to stab at." Unless you were down there, Sean, in which case I'd have a very desirable target. He continues his "Doctors Can Be Dummies Too" campaign when he says, "We HAVE a good pole, my Super-pole, which is, uh [sic], it works in a Gilligan's Island sort of sense." And that makes you who, Sean? Dirk says he'll be "seriously impressed" if someone got a fish, because if he had one fish and if he could somehow manage to scrounge up a loaf of bread, then he could turn the fish into fishes and the loaf into loaves. He then moonwalks across the water. Okay, so he stopped at the "seriously impressed" part. Sean responds, "All the little fish when they saw Rich swimming around wouldn't be sticking around long -- big gay man with a spear coming right at 'em." Because fish are apparently just as homophobic as Sean is. Richard finally spears something, a manta ray, and brings it up. Sean snarks, "Are we supposed to eat those things?" Richard incongruently replies, "Just, uh, make note who got the first fish," when he should have said, "Bite me." Sean says, "It's not a fish, it's a ray," and then he says, "And besides, I'm rubber and you're glue so liar liar your pants are on fire nah nah nah nah boo boo and made you look!" Underwater, Richard digs around some more and struggles with something long and squirmy with very big teeth that looks a little like Alien. Sadly, it gets away. Richard spears his second ray and Sean helpfully advises him by saying, "No more rays. Get the fish." Richard says, "If I see a fish, I'll get a fish, but if I see rays I'm gonna get rays." And then his voice cracks with self-importance as he says, "There's seven people to feed." And one giant ego. Sean's all, "We don't know if they taste good," and, "We don't know if they're edible." Richard gets a third ray and Sean tries to act not too jealous this time, while Dirk asks why God has forsaken him. Sean can't stop with the backhanded compliments when he says Richard pulled through in catching "fish or whatever it is." While they fry up the eels, Sean says, "They're, uh [sic], pretty darn tasty. I recommend let's keep catching those. They seem to appear to be slow, slow, slow. Or you know how to catch them." Now re-read that sentence and imagine Sean giving a medical diagnosis. Then Richard shamelessly plugs himself, though not literally.
At Pagong Day Nine, Joel and Colleen are fishing. Colleen wears a very fetching sunhat and I wonder if this qualifies as a "luxury" or a "necessity." Of course, the S14 need to look attractive for the audience, so I guess it falls in the latter category. Colleen says they "heard a rumor" that the other team caught fish. Whoever she heard this from must not have heard it from Sean because it's a ray, not a fish, goddammit. Jenna says with her typical enthusiasm, "Oh, I'm so ready to eat rat. I wanna gut 'em, bone 'em, and then we're gonna have, like [sic], some little rat meat in with the rice that we're eating. That would be delicious!" I really hope Jenna's children aren't watching, lest they be seriously traumatized by this.