Probst asks Randy about his dog, his best and only friend for the last fifteen years. Except the dog's been dead for five years, so I don't think those five years really count. "He never cheated on me, never lied to me, never cried every day. He was awesome," Randy says. People are still laughing even though that's not funny. Probst points out that Randy had the second-highest IQ of all the contestants on their pre-show psych tests. Marcus, of course, had the highest IQ, which Probst says was "off the charts." This only tells me that this season's contestants had extremely low IQs, if Marcus's was the highest. I know he's a PHYSICIAN and all, but he really doesn't strike me as particularly intelligent. Perhaps if he spoke out of his mouth instead of his ass? I also demand to know who got the lowest score, but Probst won't say. He just says that he was surprised because Randy comes across as a "country guy" who "doesn't really know what's what." Uh ... how so? He never came across like that to me. He always struck me as intelligent (although not as intelligent as he thought he was) and self-aware. Randy's only explanation for the IQ test result is that the test "must be flawed," considering there's a whole bunch of "Einsteins" who did better than him in the game. Heh.
Probst continues to list off Randy's assets, including: he's a commercial pilot (Randy: "used to be"), competed in the Ironman triathlon ("used to"), ran marathons ("used to"), and has an engineering degree from Vanderbilt ("I cheated"). Too bad Randy had to go off and be all racist and horrible, or I would have liked him so much more this season. Best of all, since he doesn't have any real friends or family to bring to the reunion show, he gave his six tickets to random strangers he's never met who are Survivor fans. We get a shot of them in the audience with the text "Randy's 'Friends'," which cracked me up. As did the people sitting behind Randy's "Friends" who made sure to point out that they were not Randy's "Friends," so horrified were they at the prospect of being mistaken with someone with even the most tenuous of connections to Randy. I have to admit, though, that I was a bit disappointed to see six weirdos instead of one adorable puppy in Randy's section. Didn't he say he was going to get a new dog? Perhaps he tried, only for the local shelter's entire canine population to euthanize themselves, preferring death over Randy. Lastly, Probst says that Randy applied to be on this show fifteen times (really? You don't get the hint that they don't want you after the first five times? Although I guess you shouldn't, since they ended up casting him after all) and asks if it was worth the wait. Randy says they should have waited to cast him on Season 22, when he'd be funnier and meaner. Probst thanks Randy for being one of the most despicable and likable people the show has ever had, and you can tell that Probst loves Randy but has no concept of him whatsoever. And that's all we'll hear from Randy, which is too bad because I want to know if he ever hooked up with that Gabonese woman from the village reward. I have a feeling she gave him her number, but when he called it he found out that she intentionally gave him the wrong phone number just to get him off her back. I have another feeling that this has happened to Randy many times before.