Survivor

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Gabon Again

Probst continues to list off Randy's assets, including: he's a commercial pilot (Randy: "used to be"), competed in the Ironman triathlon ("used to"), ran marathons ("used to"), and has an engineering degree from Vanderbilt ("I cheated"). Too bad Randy had to go off and be all racist and horrible, or I would have liked him so much more this season. Best of all, since he doesn't have any real friends or family to bring to the reunion show, he gave his six tickets to random strangers he's never met who are Survivor fans. We get a shot of them in the audience with the text "Randy's 'Friends'," which cracked me up. As did the people sitting behind Randy's "Friends" who made sure to point out that they were not Randy's "Friends," so horrified were they at the prospect of being mistaken with someone with even the most tenuous of connections to Randy. I have to admit, though, that I was a bit disappointed to see six weirdos instead of one adorable puppy in Randy's section. Didn't he say he was going to get a new dog? Perhaps he tried, only for the local shelter's entire canine population to euthanize themselves, preferring death over Randy. Lastly, Probst says that Randy applied to be on this show fifteen times (really? You don't get the hint that they don't want you after the first five times? Although I guess you shouldn't, since they ended up casting him after all) and asks if it was worth the wait. Randy says they should have waited to cast him on Season 22, when he'd be funnier and meaner. Probst thanks Randy for being one of the most despicable and likable people the show has ever had, and you can tell that Probst loves Randy but has no concept of him whatsoever. And that's all we'll hear from Randy, which is too bad because I want to know if he ever hooked up with that Gabonese woman from the village reward. I have a feeling she gave him her number, but when he called it he found out that she intentionally gave him the wrong phone number just to get him off her back. I have another feeling that this has happened to Randy many times before.

Probst claims that Charlie is "nice through and through," yet was friends with the horrible Randy and Corinne (don't forget Marcus! He's an asshole, too). Charlie says he's friends with everybody here, unless Corinne or Marcus are around, in which case he gives whoever's on their shit list the silent treatment. Charlie sucks. He isn't nice. He's just desperate for friends and will take anyone he can get. He was unpopular in high school and is thrilled at the chance to finally be a part of the Cool Kids Club ten years after the fact, when everyone else has gotten over it. He claims that both Randy and Corinne have emotional walls put up but there's a big heart behind them. I believe this might be true of Randy, but that that heart was broken too long ago to be fixed now. As for Corinne, behind her emotional wall you'll find a lump of black coal.

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Survivor

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