Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Gabon Again

Probst asks Ace about his inconsistent accent, and tries to put on an accent of his own. Ouch. Was that supposed to be English? Probst fails at accents worse than Crystal fails at athletics and Marcus fails at humility. Ace tries to put on an accent of his own and says he's from Mississippi, then puts his fake English accent back on and says his accent is real. Both of his parents are English and he lived there for eight years. Yeah, so what? My dad's English, and I don't go around like "bloody 'ell guvnor cheerio plum pudding." I could, but I don't, because then everyone would think I was lame. And I would think I was lame, too. The reason why everyone thinks Ace's accent is fake isn't that he's American but sounds English and the only reference point we have for that is Madonna and her fake accent, it's that the accent comes and goes. Mostly goes. And that's because Ace exaggerated it in the beginning to look charming and cultured and rich and impressive and then it faded to whatever his real accent is as the days went by and he got too tired and hungry to keep faking it. Ace says he should have "faked" an American accent when speaking to his fellow contestants and kept his "real" English accent for the confessionals. I think that's kind of what he ended up doing in the end unintentionally. When he was talking to people around camp and too hot, tired, and hungry to concentrate on the fake English accent all the time, he dropped it. When he was in an interview and better able to concentrate, the fake accent came back.

Now Probst has to thank Madame Pascaline Mferri Bongo Ondimba and some other Gabonese officials who made filming the show in Gabon possible and hopefully didn't tack on too many fake tariffs and taxes to squeeze as much money out of the rich Americans as possible. And if the "Bongo" in Pascaline's name sounds familiar to you, it's because she's the daughter of Gabon's President Bongo, who is currently the longest-serving "elected" leader in the world. President Bongo has ruled Gabon since 1967, and while the bottom thirty percent of the people he's supposed to serve scrape by on less than a dollar a day, he's one of the richest men in the world. And I'm sure Survivor has made him even richer. Way to sponsor that, CBS. The people of Gabon thank you and clutch the three cents of charity T-shirt proceeds close to their hearts. Anyway, I'm sure Pascaline got her government position based solely on her experience and ability.

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