Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
RUSSELL IS THE GREATEST PLAYER IN SURVIVOR HISTORY

"Russell, Russell, Russell, Russell -- stop!" Probst finally says. But then he gives him another "ten seconds" to speak to tell him what he thinks the flaw in this game is. Li'l Russell thinks America should have a percentage of the final vote for the winner. Yeah, that's a terrible idea. Every season without fail, America gives that stupid fan favorite award to the least deserving person. Also, America only sees 43 minutes a week of these people and what the editors choose to show us. And that's not always how things actually happened. If it was, then no one on this show would even exist except Li'l Russell. But the audience goes crazy for this because Li'l Russell said "America" or something. Sandra says Li'l Russell still wouldn't win that way because the only people in the world who like him are his five friends and family members sitting in the front row. Probst tries to calm things down and says that Survivor is "very clearly defined" as, basically, a social experiment between the contestants and who they choose to win at the end. "A game in which you include America, that's a different game," he says. Good. Li'l Russell can go play that game, and then I won't recap it and everyone is happy.

Probst asks Sandra what the "key move" in her victory was. Sandra says she had a "ton" of moves, as she is and always was a fan of the show before she ever got on it, so she watched and studied every season to form her own strategy. Probst then asks Tom what it "says" about this game that Sandra can play and win twice without winning a single challenge ("even beloved Courtney has won a challenge," he points out). Probst does not add, "while you won once and did really well in challenges, only to suck out this time," but that's what he's implying. Tom says luck plays a key role, but in the end, whoever wins deserves it. "Thank you," Sandra says. "Sorry, Russell. Congratulations, Sandra," Tom concludes. I think Tom put that very nicely and we should not say anything more to or about Li'l Russell. And yet: "Russell, are you surprised you didn't win? Didn't get a vote?" Probst asks. Li'l Russell says he feels like he played one long season as opposed two, because he played in back-to-back seasons. Of course, he's not the only contestant to do, or even the only contestant to play back-to-back and make it to the Final Tribal Council both times. "Let me tell you how good I am," Li'l Russell says. You can hear Parvati groan, because I'm sure she's heard this before. Probably every day they were out there. Li'l Russell holds up the note J.T. wrote him that he has had laminated and says that he "made" a previous winner "look like the dumbest player in history," thus proving how good he is. He didn't make J.T. do anything. He just happened to be the only guy left in a tribe full of women (and part of the reason for that, admittedly, is that he voted Coach out so the other tribe would think he was the victim of an all-female alliance), and J.T. was so scared of women and so sure of himself that he gave the idol to Li'l Russell. I don't think it makes J.T. look dumb, though, because if he'd been right about Li'l Russell, he would have turned the game around in his alliance's favor. J.T., who is sitting behind Li'l Russell, laughs good-naturedly, then grabs the paper out of Li'l Russell's hands and throws it in the fire. For some strange reason, Li'l Russell doesn't like it when people burn his possessions. He manages to save the paper and then there's a weird moment where I'm not sure if he and J.T. are going to punch each other or hug and they end up doing neither. Probst tells Li'l Russell to sit down, then informs us that this is what this game was like every single day for these people. What, listening to Li'l Russell go on and on about himself? Because that's what my life has kind of been like every single day for the past two seasons as well. Probst says it's time to take a break, but don't worry! "We'll still hear more from Russell" when we come back. Fantastic.

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Survivor

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