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It Ain't Over Til The Fat Man Cries

Probst asks Dave Ball if he was surprised at how quickly and deeply he bonded with some people. Dave Ball says it was shocking and that he feels like Brett, Kelly, and Laura are members of his family now. Thanks for that, Dave Ball. We'll talk to you never again!

Probst turns to Brett and asks him how much it sucks to lose a million dollars because he couldn't balance a statue on a pole. Brett's hair is long and girly and he's definitely gained all of his pre-show weight back and more, causing him to look a lot like Hayley Joel Osment. But fatter. And younger. Not a good look, Brett. Brett says that final immunity challenge was a lot of pressure and stress but he chalks the results up to fate. I guess fate hates Brett, then. Probst then asks the jury if Brett would have won if he was in the finals. We don't even bother to cut to them to see their response because it's too obvious. Probst asks Brett how it felt to watch himself lose a million dollars again tonight. Brett says it was pretty awful and "one for my memoirs." Huh. Brett's memoirs. Chapter 1: "..." Chapter 2: "..." Chapter 3: "I lost Survivor." The End.

And now it's time to revisit the death of Russell! We get a quick flashback to his death and then we see him now, looking great for a dead guy. Russell says he was so out of it at the time that he didn't realize how bad off he was. It wasn't until he actually saw the episode that he realized that he totally died. Gosh, it sucks when that happens, huh? Your hand keeps going through doors and you walk through walls and no one pays attention to you and you're like "what the hell?" and then you finally realize that you're a ghost and it all makes sense. It turns out that Russell watched the episode with his wife and didn't warn her ahead of time how bad it was because he didn't know, so it was an unpleasant surprise for them both. They then had a fight over whether or not Russell was dead. She won, of course, because he is. Probst asks Russell about the "near-death experience" he had. Russell says that he actually felt really good at one point while he was lying on the ground -- the sky looked bluer than ever, he felt better strong and happy and he was ready to get back in the game and kick ass. But no, it was just his brain releasing endorphins or whatever to prepare him for death. Probst credits the medical team for saving Russell, although if they had monitored the contestants more closely in the first place, it wouldn't have gotten to that point. Probst takes us out to the commercial with a long list of Li'l Russell's accomplishments and promises us more time with him when we return. Oh, good. It's not like there are 19 other people sitting there too, most of whom we haven't even heard from yet.

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