MONDO EXTRAS

When asked whether anybody else was swayed at the final vote other than Colleen, Greg brings up his mysterious and Zen approach of having the two finalists choose a number between one and ten. The number was, in case you're wondering, nine. When it's revealed that Kelly lost $900,000 just because she guessed the wrong number, the audience groans. Before we segue away, you can barely hear Kelly say, "Well, ya know..." Even in defeat she is graceful and eloquent.

Bryant now leaps to Susan over her now-infamous speech. There are now Southern Baptist religious sects based on her speech. Her speech has singlehandedly reintroduced Nietzsche-ism to a whole new generation. "Yeah, I was pissed at the time," she drawls. "At the time it worked for me, Bryant." While she says this, Kelly looks as if she's having pain serum inserted into the back of her neck via a dull needle. Bryant brings up the point I went on and on about -- why was she all smiles when she was voted off and then Kubla Kahn when she returned an hour and a half later (actually, it was more like days, if you want to get chronological about it). Sue makes the most disingenuous statement in all of TV history (including the Reagan years) by saying she didn't really want the million dollars if she didn't work for it because then the leeches come out and suck you dry. Unless, like Sue, you are already a leech, in which case you just suck on each other until mutual assured destruction is achieved. Five hours later, Sue is still talking while Kelly looks off to the back of the studio audience wishing she could mentally set off the fire alarm. More time passes. Sue is still talking. If Kelly were Carrie, the building would be on fire by now and John Travolta would be dead. In the end, Bryant declares that he won't pick a fight with Sue because he recognizes he might lose the title of Prickliest Person in the Universe. Kelly, meanwhile, has killed Sue 3,403,983 times in her head during Sue's never-ending speech.