Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!

Audience members are invited to ask questions. The first one is what they all ate after leaving the island and whether they'll ever eat rice again. Gervase had PB&J. Sean had pizza. Rich lost about 130 pounds before and during his island stay. Can I make it official? He may have lost a lot of weight, but he gained the equal of that weight in suavitude. Maybe it's the million dollars, but all of a sudden Rich has that John Lithgow glow. Bryant tries to embarrass Rich with a clip of him jiggling his loose stomach fat. Rich doesn't get fazed. He's thinking, "Hey, I'm a millionaire now, asshole. Ask me if embarrassing clips on national TV bother me one bit." Most of the castaways reveal they gained all the weight back they'd lost on the island. Bryant Gumbel laughs. Extraneously.

Next up is the subject of the alliance. Kelly is still Miss Conflicted Island Castaway 2000. Her tiara is a scale that tips from side to side like a metronome. As far as the alliance, Joel tries to break it down as a generational thing. He brings in the word "corporate." Gretchen, maybe the smartest person there, separates alliance-joining into people who got involved in the game emotionally or intellectually. B.B. talks too, but no one hears a word he's saying.

Sue admits she's a bad liar. A great vengeful being of destruction, carnage and pure evil. But a bad liar.

After being asked whether they thought they were portrayed unfairly on the show, Gretchen says that Greg was not portrayed accurately and that he's much more intelligent than he was shown to be. Jenna jumps in ("He's MY man!") and agrees.

Rich kisses CBS's ass by saying how great the show was and how well it was put together. He's not only the winner, he's the new spokesman for the network.

Missed it the first time? Survivor: Back to the Island is coming. Check your local listings, yo. Unless you'd rather watch the shot put event from Sydney, which I can't even fathom.

Dirk's Survivor application tape consists of him doing a Hunter S. Thompson as he aims a gun as some stray firewood in the backyard.

An audience member asks The Question That Must Always Be Asked about Colleen and Greg's supposed island horizontal mambo. All the while she's asking, the middle-aged woman's eyebrows arch up and down, a marvel of hairy innuendo. After much oohing and ahhing, Colleen finally says nothing happened. She says she was covering up for another relationship going on and she gives Greg a pointed look. Bryant uses his years of interviewing skills to completely forget to ask a follow-up question about that. Go Gumbel! Clips are shown of Greg and Colleen frolicking on the island and Greg says he was trying to throw in some sex and violence. Those crazy, media-savvy kids! Colleen says that distance, plus her desire to date around (gentlemen, start your fan mail!) prevents her from committing to Wild Island Boy.

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