Survivor
Salvation And Desertion

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Survivors Digest: President Beefcake shut himself in the outhouse with Bruce, where they drank and bonded and talked about how stupid everyone else on their team turned out to be. Always nice when you can do your shit-talking in its natural habitat. Austin and Nick enjoyed some beans for a very short time, and then failed to enjoy those same beans for a very long time. When La Mina finally won immunity, Shane wanted to get rid of President Beefcake, but Aras pushed to get rid of Bruce. Aras won temporarily, but Chiclets then went on the offensive and convinced the team to vote out Beefcake, mostly because he was a pooping non-gentleman who sopped up the wine with his great big liver. It also appeared as though Casaya had built its camp on a flood plain, judging from the frequency with which they found themselves shin-deep in water. (God: "Jeff did kind of steal that '39 Days, 39 Nights, One Survivor' thing from me, if you think about it.") La Mina is still on the ropes, and it appears that they aren't eating. Casaya, on the other hand, is lousy with morons, and its most appealing player is afraid of leaves. Who will be voted off tonight?

Credits. Remember how there used to be more women?

We get a couple of random shots of a night sky superimposed with a skull motif, as if the editing staff is afraid that we have lost track of the "skull" theme. I assure you that I certainly haven't. I am, however, trying to forget that there is a new show called The New Adventures Of Old Christine, currently being pimped in the lower-left corner. Can I just say that the cast of Seinfeld long ago stopped being my personal best pals, and that I no longer feel invested in the years-long battle to find them something to do? I mean, it's okay to admit that you have been a TV star for the last time and go find something else creative to do. Linwood Boomer did it. (Giving me, incidentally, one of my best moments ever, which was when I found myself looking at a set of Night Court credits and thinking, "I wonder if that's the same Linwood Boomer.")

We are at Casaya, and it is Night 14. The flag continues flying, which I think means it's time for somebody to write an anthem. All the members of the tribe are asleep in the shelter, where Shane is staring daggers into the back of Chiclets's neck. Shane complains, as darkly as a pretend bad-ass can, "We made the wrong decision tonight." Now -- you'll remember that he was the one who immediately came back to camp declaring that Beefcake should be eliminated. In fact, he said he didn't want to hear any discussion. He was the one who passive-aggressively agreed to Aras's plan to boot Bruce only after making it clear that he thought it was the wrong call. But now, Shane is furious. "And we made that decision because of your personal feelings, period," he tells Chiclets. "And it's a bad, bad, bad thing. Bruce is falling apart. It's not his fault, but he's fifty-eight and nervous." Chiclets reaches the end of her patience for the moment. "Shane," she says. "Shut up." I would knight her just for that, really. Shane immediately declares that he knows Bruce is hearing it all, and that he doesn't care. Just keeping it real! "What do I got to worry about anybody, homey?" Shane asks. Did Shane just call Chiclets "homey"? Does he realize the, like, six levels of absurdity that are at work there? Chiclets tells him that she doesn't know why he's angry to begin with, but that she's had enough of having it directed at her. She says that they can talk about it tomorrow, and that he can yell at her then. I think she knows that Shane's head can only cause a thought to adhere to its slippery insides for about thirty seconds at a time, so if Chiclets can just delay him for a while, he won't remember any of this.

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