Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
If Your Father Dies, Don't Tell Corinne

Corinne turns to Sugar and calls her an "unemployed, uneducated leech on society." Eh, whatever. Sugar said worse when she voted Corinne out. And what Sugar said was actually true. But then it continues: "and the only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of anti-depressants so no one else has to be subjected to your constant crying anymore." And it should have ended there, but Corinne proudly has no filter, so there's this: "and maybe if you got some then it would seem a little more sincere when you are crying about your dead father." Sugar flips her off. Corinne got off easy. What was she thinking when she said that? Because she was clearly thinking as that entire speech was super-rehearsed and you know she's been practicing it in her mirror every day when she goes to check in on how beautiful she thinks she is. Was she thinking it would drive Sugar to violence and get her kicked out of the game? Was she thinking America would watch that at home and go "wow, Corinne is awesome! Doubting a fellow contestant's grief over her dead father, oh snap! We love you, Corinne! Your nastiness is so endearing!" Was she hoping that Sugar was making up her dead father and this would show America that Corinne was too smart to fall for it? Because -- oops! -- she wasn't making it up and now Sugar looks sympathetic and Corinne looks like the ultimate cunt. And not in a good way, or a love-hate way. Just a "please get off my TV screen and never come back and preferably fall off the face of the planet" way. And before you start smirking over there, Randy, how would you like it if someone made fun of you for being sad about your dead dog? That died five years ago? Shut up. Unlike Corinne, Sugar does have a filter and some maturity, so she doesn't say much back besides the flip-off, which is lucky for Corinne because Sugar could have probably ripped her ass apart with her response. Sugar is self-confident and comfortable with her life, while Corinne is a festering hole of insecurity and possibly evil. And after all that effort, she still won't top Sue's pee on a snake speech from the first season.

Here comes Marcus. "As you know, I'm a physician," he starts. Probst snickers. Ha! You know he had some side bet with the crew over how many times Marcus would mention his lauded profession. Anyway, as a PHYSICIAN, Marcus sees people everyday who are the victims of bad choices. As opposed to the rest of us with non-PHYSICIAN jobs who have no experience with people who make bad choices. For instance, as a recapper of this show, I did not see when Marcus made the bad choice of throwing the immunity idol away. With Marcus's line of work established, he tells Susie that she came on this show as a mother and an educator (um, and a hair dresser. Read the text on the screen, chumpo), so he's surprised that she would turn her back on her obligation to be a positive role model in this game. Surely he's talking about all the weed she smoked, but since the viewers at home didn't see that, it makes it sound like Marcus thinks that Susie's decision to side with an alliance that valued her contributions and wouldn't turn on her as soon as possible over the Onions is somehow bad and wrong. Oh, but Marcus isn't talking about the game of Survivor -- he's talking about "the biggest game of all -- and that's Life." It would appear that Susie totally pulled the move I always pulled when playing Life, which is to cheat so that she landed on all the squares on the board that gave you kids. One time, I had to get two extra cars to hold all my children! Oh wait -- it would seem that Marcus is not talking about the popular board game, but about actual life. What a douche. And if he expected Susie to break down in tears in remorse over setting her a bad example for her son, he must be disappointed because the smile doesn't even fade from her face.

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