Survivor

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If Your Father Dies, Don't Tell Corinne

Crystal's next. "She was the muscle behind the mastermind," Matty says. No, she wasn't. That was the greatest thing about her. I am now convinced that I could beat Crystal in a foot race. Or in anything, really. Except awesomeness. Crystal says it's hard to know that she came so close without making it, and that "as a professional athlete" it's hard to lose. She says she failed, and that's been very humbling. She failed so many times, it must have been the most humbling thing ever. But she'll use that to improve as a person, while Corinne will stay proud of her faults and make the people around her miserable until they all go away. So in the end, Crystal hasn't failed. Ken's the last one up, and Matty says he was the most conniving player in this game, which is just sad if it were true. But it isn't, since I think Sugar has Ken beat. And no one knows it STILL! The cruel editors put the shot of Ken tripping over himself in his montage as he tells us that he thinks he grew as a person. He still hasn't cut his nails, though. Gross. He says he won more than a million dollars in that regard. I agree.

With that, the four make their way to the top of Bob's mountain, which he climbed when he was on Exile. There's a Gabonese tribe waiting for them in their bright red outfits that cannot possibly by authentic ceremonial wear. The contestants place everyone's masks into the fire. Bob looks sorry that he can't keep one behind to use for his next fake idol. Then he makes everyone hold hands. Meanwhile, the Gabonese people are all like "this is really cheesy and dumb. Oh well, at least we're getting twenty bucks for it."

And now, the final immunity challenge! It ... sucks, actually. What happened to those awesome endurance challenges? Now we've got 200 tiles with which the contestants must build a ten-foot-high house of cards within a measly half hour. If no one manages to do that, immunity will go to whoever's is tallest when the time is up. And they've got examples of card towers off to the side to use as guides! I think Probst just doesn't want to sit through hours of an endurance challenge, so now they do this. I mean, thirty minutes? Are they running short on time in the shooting schedule or something? Bob sets about constructing a wide, stable base, because that's what Probst recommends. Sugar, on the other hand, is going for speed, and has a wobbly and thin -- but tall -- tower. And then there's Susie -- "making a lot of progress," Probst says. Unfortunately, the hot air flying out of his mouth hit Susie's tower and knocked it over. "Susie's house of cards collapses!" Probst says, and you know he's been waiting all challenge to say that. Probst then turns his breath of sabotage on Sugar, saying her tower is looking precarious. It collapses. Probst is thrilled, happily announcing that with Susie and Sugar starting over, Matty and Bob are still in this game. Except not so much Bob, as his tower, which is all of eight inches high, collapses.

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Survivor

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