With no more stupid torch walk and a Redemption Island quadruel to sandwich into the two-hour finale, things actually went pretty quickly. Which is good, because this episode, like the rest of the season, was predictable and ultimately not very memorable. Andrea provides us with probably the only surprise of the episode when she beats Grant, Mike, and Matt out for a spot back in the game. But then she doesn't win immunity and the hated Ashley does, so she's pretty much screwed at the next Tribal Council. She tries to convince Ashley and Natalie that it's in their best interests to align with her, but they don't go for it, which was a good thing for them since Rob plays his immunity idol so he wouldn't have been voted out no matter what. Andrea is voted out unanimously and Redemption Island is officially useless. And Ashley and Natalie lose Andrea's jury vote, if they ever had it in the first place. Rob narrowly beats Ashley out to win the last immunity challenge, but Ashley isn't too worried since Phillip is the obvious choice to vote out next and she has her BFF Natalie to tell her if Rob has anyone else in mind. Rob decides that he'd rather go the end against Phillip than Ashley, though, and tells Natalie she has to turn against Ashley. Natalie has a chance to tell Ashley the truth and doesn't, so Ashley is blindsided and becomes the final juror. And Natalie loses Ashley's vote, if she ever had it in the first place.
After the traditional last day breakfast and some insanity from Phillip, who is now decked out in mock Indian robes (a.k.a. a blanket) and a headband full of feathers, the Final Tribal Council begins and the jury is its usual bitter angry self. No one has any respect for Natalie or Phillip, who does an absolutely abysmal job trying to convince the jury to vote for him even after promising us that he knew an argument that could give him the win over Rob. He basically yells at them and even tells some jurors not to vote for him. I was so hoping he would drop the crazy act and shock us all by being totally rational and saying he was putting everyone on this whole time, but no. After David uses his juror question to sing Rob's praises, it's pretty clear that Rob has this in the bag. Sure enough, he wins everyone's votes except Ralph's, who voted for Phillip. So Rob had to play this game four freaking times to win it and his fourth time had to be with a group of easily-lead idiots, but he finally gets his million dollar prize.
It's almost over! Hooray! We will soon be rid of Rob and Li'l Russell and Redemption Island forever! Probst recaps the season so far, and I'm sure you can guess how it goes: Rob Rob Rob Rob did he just say that Natalie was the youngest player in Survivor history? I thought Spencer was younger? Rob Rob Rob Matt Li'l Russell crying HA HA HA Rob Rob Phillip Rob Rob. And look! The full opening credits are back! Oh my god, I can't believe there are like eight people left in this game.
Night 35 on Redemption Island. Andrea and Matt seem to be on good terms again, as her head is resting on his lap. Grant arrives, much to his surprise. He interviews that he trusted his alliance but apparently they weren't trustworthy people. "Possibly, Rob betrayed me. Possibly Phillip did," he says, apparently not realizing that EVERYONE VOTED FOR HIM except for Grant himself. So there's nothing "possibly" about it. They ALL betrayed him. Just like he happily betrayed plenty of other people. He claims he's "a-okay" about it, though, and greets the Redemption Islanders who are clearly not happy to see him since he has very good chance at beating them all in the quadruel. You know, if Grant just wins himself right back on the show then Redemption Island will truly be the biggest waste of time ever. Grant settles into bed, while Andrea is still stuck sleeping on the floor for some reason while he gets the prime shelter spot.
At Murlonio, no one is happy about having to vote Grant out. Or at least, that's how they're all pretending to feel. Phillip mourns the loss of one third of Stealth R Us. Rob claims that it's "completely [his] fault" that Grant was voted out, and that even though getting rid of Grant was probably his best move in the game, he misses Grant and feels bad about losing him. That said, if Grant won his way back on the show, Rob would definitely want to vote him out as soon as possible. As for Matt, Mike, or Andrea, Rob says he'd rather vote Ashley out before them. Um, he's kidding, right? He does realize that Matt or Mike would probably win the jury votes at the end and so he should want to get rid of them as soon as possible?
Back on Redemption Island, Matt talks about how much he's grown to love it there. Well, sure. Now that he actually has plenty of company, why shouldn't he like it? He gets to hang out with people and talk about God and doesn't have to worry about any of the strategic gameplay stuff that he was so terrible at. This is basically a vacation but with not very much food. Meanwhile, Grant and Andrea fetch the treemail announcing their final quadruel. Mike hears them cheering about it in the woods and mutters that he hopes treemail came with a pizza. It didn't. Instead, they get a note telling them to "dig deep." I thought this meant that there would be digging involved in the quadruel, but there actually wasn't, so I guess the treemail writers have given up on the clever rhymes and challenge clues. Treemail also says that there can only be one winner in this quadruel, who will then be allowed to return to the game. The other three will DIE. And be sent to the jury. Mike says the idea of his Redemption Island experience being over is "bittersweet," since his fourteen days there has been a "life-changing" experience. He is happy, though, to finally know what his fate in the game will be. You know what I won't miss? Matt talking about God ALL THE TIME. Sure enough, he leads the group in a final prayer before interviewing that after everything he's been through in this game, he gives God "all the credit" and "all the glory" for this miserable experience. He should give Rob at least some of the credit, since he's the one who sent him there. Twice. Although if you ask Probst, I'm sure he'd tell you that Rob and God are one and the same.