Survivor
Seems Like A No-Brainer

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Fourth Time's A Charm

The last day breakfast feast arrives, and the three are predictably thrilled to see it. Natalie interviews that this is the hardest thing she's done in her entire life. Well, duh. She's 19. This is, like, the only thing she's done in her entire life. "I feel like I stand for my generation," she says. Ha ha! Sucks to be you, 19-year-olds! Natalie is the symbol of your generation. I'd rather have Phillip, frankly. While the contestants chow down on all the food and toast to their final day, she continues that this game has shown her that she can do anything she puts her mind to in life. As long as, you know, what she puts her mind to happens to have a guy like Rob there to get her through it all with minimal effort on her part. She says that she's looking forward to proving herself to the jury tonight and thinks she has a chance to win.

Phillip asks Rob what he had to do and say to the others to keep them from voting Phillip out. Rob admits that it was not easy. Phillip laughs. Rob interviews that this is his 117th day in this game. "It's overwhelming," he says over a shot of Phillip bathing himself with a blur on the crotch of his pink panties. Why, editors? Rob reminds us that he's been this close to winning before, but the ultimate prize eluded him. He gives Natalie a last-minute pep talk, saying that the last time he went before the jury in this game, they were all very mean to him and tried to make him cry, and his one mistake was letting them make him feel bad. He says his biggest regret was apologizing to the jury and if he could do it over again, he would have told them all to kiss his ass instead. Rob tells us that he is not, of course, trying to help Natalie out in the end. He's telling her all the wrong things to do in front of the jury in the hopes that it will further sabotage her chances. Well, duh, Rob. That said, if Natalie actually did stand up and tell the jury to kiss her ass, it might actually win her a few votes just because it would show that she did have a backbone after all. Rob says he feels like he did his job in this game and he hopes the jury sees it that way and gives him the million.

Phillip strolls up wearing his swimsuit and holding his pink panties aloft. He has a speech to make: "I want to say that I was never proud to wear plum-colored underwear," he begins. Wait, WHAT? Then how the hell did he wind up stuck wearing them?! Did the producers make him wear them? Were they the last pair of underwear he had and it was laundry day so he wore them while waiting for his other, better undergarments to be cleaned only for the producers to grab him and shove him onto a helicopter that was on its way to the show? I'M SO CONFUSED!! Anyway, Rob is very happy to see the end of them. But Phillip isn't going to throw them into the fire yet, as his speech is not over. "I knew that my manhood was not reflected in the briefs that I wear but rather the character that I bring to the game," he says. Um, judging by how many times they had to blur his crotch area when he wore those panties, I'd say his manhood was definitely reflected in them. With that, Phillip finally tosses the briefs into the firepit. Except that there is no fire currently going in it. Phillip's speech was so long and boring that the fire put itself out. So he basically just tossed them in a pile of ash. And it's still not over! "My great-great-grandfather Jessum Herring would probably say 'like all good things, some things must come to an end.'" Way to get the quote wrong, Jessum. You'd think he had plenty of time wandering around in the afterlife to get it right. Phillip concludes that Jessum would be "pleased to see those [undergarments] come to an end." Really? Then why did he help Phillip find them where Julie hid them in the first place? And between Jesus and Jessum this season, I'm starting to wonder why people wandering around the afterlife don't have better things to do with their time. Or at least better shows to watch. Fittingly enough, Phillip's smoldering underwear takes us out of the Murlonio camp for the last time and into the Final Tribal Council.

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Survivor

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