Survivor
Seems Like A No-Brainer

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Sara M: D | 1 USERS: A+
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Fourth Time's A Charm

Rob then gets to speak. He thanks the jury for "letting" him play this game with them and especially thanks Onomatopoeia for being stupid enough not to vote him out ASAP like Zapato did to Li'l Russell. He says he was strong in challenges, strategic when it came to alliances, and a hard worker around camp. But, he says, none of that matters because the jurors have the power now and he is at their mercy that they will think his gameplay was the best of the Final Three and vote for him to win the game. And then he reminds them that although this show has been a part of his life for the past ten years, the most important thing to him is his family. He wants to win the money to provide for them. Which is great and all, but Rob could, you know, get a real job and provide for them that way, like most parents do. I mean, shit, Phillip has a son to provide for and you don't see him running around crying about him all the time. And Phillip is a crazy person!

And now it's time for the jury to be bitter and horrible. Andrea goes first. She addresses Phillip, opening with "you ... are weird." She says they've seen many different Phillips in this game, and she wants to know who the "real" Phillip is. THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION. I, too, would like to know the answer to it. But I have no hope that we'll get it at this point. Sure enough, Phillip says Andrea doesn't know who he is because he was always on the outs with his tribe. And if Andrea didn't make the effort to get to know him in all that time, then that's her fault and she shouldn't vote for him. Thank you, Phillip, for giving what might have been the worst possible answer to that question with the possible exception of throwing a live venomous snake at her face. Andrea then turns to Natalie and asks her about her "borderline creepy" attachment to Rob, one that ultimately caused her to betray her BFF Ashley. Ha! I bet she totally just stole Ashley's question. Natalie says she and Ashley had a "great friendship," but this game isn't about friendships. Rob came into this game with a ton of experience while Natalie had never been camping before in her life, so when he asked her to team up with him, she thought that sounded like a great idea. Andrea doesn't have a question for Rob, so she sits down as Natalie creepily apologizes to Rob for being creepy.

Ashley stands up next. She hates Phillip and is looking forward to telling him so. "I'm going to speak and you're not going to comment," she says. After 38 days with this guy, how has she not learned that you don't try to boss him around? He immediately snaps back that he will comment if he wants to. "No, you're not," Ashley says. "Yes I will. I'm doing it now," he says. Well, what's she going to do about it? Tattle to Probst? Shut up, Ashley. "That's really pathetic. You look really pathetic," she says; "I wanna say my piece so you're just gonna sit there." Again, Phillip says he has no problem with her saying whatever she wants, but she doesn't get to boss him around. Ashley decides to just talk over him, and starts out by thanking him for teaching her patience in dealing with him for a "torturous 38 days." How was she patient with him? She screamed at him like every other episode. That's not patient. I hope she isn't this "patient" with her actual patients at her nurse job. "You sound like a little whiny child," Phillip says. Ashley gives up on Phillip and moves on to Natalie, asking her why she lied to her when she said she would tell her if she was being voted out. Natalie claims that she didn't know if Ashley was the one being voted out or not until ten minutes before Tribal Council, at which point there was apparently no way for her to let Ashley know the truth. Natalie then tries to suck up to Ashley, saying that she was the bigger threat to go in front of a jury with and no one wants to bring that to the end if he doesn't have to. Ashley snaps that Natalie is "sad" and then tells Rob that he lied to a lot of people and she was wrong to put him up on a pedestal like she did. Thanks for realizing that way too late, idiot. She says she doesn't know who he really is and doesn't think she wants to know. Which is probably fine with Rob, since he apparently never liked Ashley in the first place. And he did know the real Ashley.

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Survivor

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