David goes last even though he was voted out first. Because, he says, his speech will be "something completely different." Not really, as it turns out. We've been hearing what David is about to say all season long: Rob is awesome. So here it goes: David says he has no questions for the Final Three. Instead, he wants to talk to the jury and tell them that there is only logical choice to win the million tonight. It's not Phillip, since David doesn't think he deserves it. It's not Natalie, because she credited someone else for getting her this far. Rob "did everything," David says. And the best thing he did, David says, was blindsiding Matt so his allies wouldn't dare cross him. "Ruthless but brilliant," David says. David is officially creepier about Rob than Natalie. He reminds them that the returning contestant who claimed to be the best ever to play this game went home on Day 8. The other one played the "best strategic game this game has ever seen." Yes, and wasn't it boring? And while sure, Rob played a great game this season, it was also his fourth attempt. So it damn well better be after that much practice. By the way, why aren't Natalie and Phillip making that argument? Shouldn't they be answering every juror question with "don't give the money to a famewhore who played this game four times now. I mean, come on?"
Probst thanks the jury for their questions and lets them think about who they want to vote for during the commercial break. When it's over, the show ends on my DVR. Ugh, really? They have two freaking hours to fill for this show and they always have to cut into the reunion time. I guess that means we won't be hearing from or even seeing a good half of the cast again. Probst carefully reminds these idiots that they are voting for the winner tonight and that it has to be Rob, and then sends them off to vote. David, of course, votes for Rob, saying he wishes he played this game with him instead of against him. Idiot. If he had started this game on Rob's tribe he would have been one of the first people Rob got rid of, just like he took out all the other smart people on Onomatopoeia. Ralph goes and votes for "Phile," saying he hopes he spends the money wisely. And with that one vote for Phillip, Ralph ensures that Phillip wins $15,000 more than Natalie, because she is obviously not going to get any votes and thus get third place. Phillip will now get second place. Which is pretty amazing considering that he really should have been the first person voted out. "I love you, man. Have a great one," Ralph says. That's all we see. Probst grabs the urn, thanks the contestants for the worst season of this show ever, and heads off to the live show.