Shark Attack

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Jenna Jumps

Previously on Rudy Tootie Gets the Bootie: Water was as precious and rare as ego was cheap and abundant. Lockboxes full of rice were distributed, but they were secured with three padlocks, and unless you intended to hire a demolitions expert, it was sure to take some serious challenge butt-kicking to win the keys and get the boxes open. Ethan helped Saboga to knock out a reward challenge that brought water and fire to all the tribes, while Rudy began to show signs that at seventy-five, he might have some of the physical limitations you would expect from a fifty-year-old, especially when he went toe-to-toe with a bum foot that wouldn', heal. In one of the most entertaining challenges ever, Saboga bungled a boat flip that Chapera executed perfectly, while Mogo Mogo proved that sucking the bag at a challenge isn't that big a deal if somebody else is sucking an even bigger bag. Chapera and Mogo Mogo went home happy, while a totally inept Saboga headed for tribal council again. Ethan, fearing for his figurative life, scrambled unsuccessfully to compete with Rupert for the title of Fish Guy and All-Around Big Daddy, only to find that poking a fish with a stick isn't as easy as it sounds. Despite Ethan's uselessness and grating sense of entitlement, when it came time for the long and unpleasant walk to tribal council, Saboga chose to try to stem its unending tide of challenge losses by hanging on to Strong But Irritating And Dumb Guy and getting rid of Determined And Entertaining But Unfortunately Old and Slow Guy. Goodbye, Rudy. I hope you didn't get any of those brain parasites.

Credits. I like how they have a shot of fire successfully being started by friction, when no one ever accomplished any such thing. "Look, look! This could have happened, if we had screened for basic survival competencies instead of good-looking chests!"

Commercials. You know, if you want to create tension as to whether Jude will get home to Nicole successfully, you shouldn't really show her mid-orgasm in the commercial. I'm just saying.

We fly over a low mess of trees and land at Mogo Mogo. And why are we here? We are here to look at bugs. Bugs on the animals, bugs on the trees, bugs everywhere. There's a great shot where the sloth is like, "Okay, I am a sloth, and even I have better things to do than sit here pickin' flies out of my fur all day, so if you're going to keep giving these people rice and keys and maps and assy clue poetry, can we please get a can of Raid?" And now, it's time to visit the castaways, also thoroughly bugged. Lex scratches his tattooed leg. Ooh, bitten right on the...well, I can't tell what that is. Dragon? He explains in an interview that he made the mistake of scratching his copious bites, and now they look and feel worse than ever. Indeed, it appears as though everyone now has that distinctive coating of bumps so heavy that it looks more like a spreading rash. We see Hatch scratching, Colby scratching, Jenna scratching. Lex adds that if you scratch the bites until they're open and then you get the saltwater in them...well, I can't really bear to think about it, because I don't even like burning my tongue on pizza. Damn, these people's legs do look gross. They're like a scene from some film for high-school students about why you shouldn't have premarital sex because you might knock over a hive of bees. Next, we see Jenna trying hard to get some relief without scratching, which she's doing by rubbing her arms against the insides of her knees, trying to pick up a little friction from the long pants she has on. Kathy cautions her that she'll get scars (and be far less marketable, nudity-wise), but Jenna insists that she's not scratching. I do think you can use Jenna's rub-not-scratch approach to a limited degree, but I'm afraid they're a bit past that. In an interview, Jenna points to her arm and says: "Look at this! Bug bites on top of bug bites on top of -- we look like freaks! Bigger freaks than we already are!" Back at camp, Lex tells Jenna to stop scratching -- well, he actually tells her to stop "itching," but I'm willing to borrow him a little slack, because you can't always stumble across the right verb at the right time. He promises Jenna that all she has to put up with is about a half-hour of intense misery, and then after that, it eases up a little and isn't so itchy. Jenna laments that she "hate[s] everything right now," adding, "Not you guys, but...I want to go home." She looks around miserably.

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