Shark Attack

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Jenna Jumps

As soon as they open the box at Chapera, Sue promises Big Tom that the Chapera shelter will be "a disaster." What's up her fanny today? I mean, that seems kind of unfair, given their string of successes. She also immediately starts insisting that they remove a big tree that I guess is on her nerves, and Big Tom interviews that Sue's "a hag from hell." He goes on, over footage of them carrying the trunk: "How I made it to forty-eight without Sue Hawk leadin' me by the a myst'ry." I laughed out loud at that the first time I heard it, and again when I heard it just now. He calls Sue "the bossiest woman [he's] ever been around." And that I believe. I think she would be the bossiest woman I've ever been around, and remember, I've been around myself. He also thinks "her elevator don't go to the top floor." I'm not even sure her elevator is running, at this point.

Back at camp, Chapera discusses the project, and Boston Rob points out that he's a construction guy by trade, leading them all to agree in principle that he should take the lead on the project. Sue sits out, along with Amber. In fact, Sue explains that she rather enjoys sitting out, because everyone in her tribe is "stupid." She says she even hopes they don't win, which seems a little odd, since she would benefit from the reward along with the rest. Sue is definitely the sour apple in Chapera's Barrel Full of Love. Boston Rob says that he's just going to do up a plan, and Alicia -- to her credit -- says that she's happy to have him take it over, and that they'll all do what he suggests. Unfortunately, in the Boston Rob interview in which he explains how jazzed he was for this challenge, you can see it -- the Sleazestache that's growing right above his upper lip. I knew my affection for him couldn't last. It will not survive the Sleazestache. It's kind of porny, and not in the good way, unfortunately.

Boston Rob and Big Tom get right down to business, sawing wood and framing up the floor. Tom happily interviews that the project "clicked" once he and Rob got going, and it certainly appears that if you ever want your house remodeled by reality-show contestants, Boston Rob and Big Tom might be your best choice. Do not hire any of the Bachelors -- they'll just keep walking up to you saying, "Will you accept this screw?" and giggling. Boston Rob now tells Amazon Rob and Alicia that with the structure pretty well in hand, it would be great if they could work on the "creative" part -- a deck or a garden or something. Amazon Rob, however, complains in an interview about the assignment, saying that he wanted to work on the shelter with the guys, not be sent off to help Alicia. Darn stupid girls, always wanting to, like, hang up curtains and spend all the green stamps on a sewing machine. As A-Rob walks with Alicia, he tells her that it's "the story of [his] Survivor life" that "the big boys don't let [him] play." Huh. I usually like him, but I'm starting to remember that he can also be real, real whiny, and almost as obsessed as Rupert is with old memories of peeking out through the slats of a gym locker, desperately gasping for air.

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