Shark Attack

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Jenna Jumps

Mogo Mogo. Lex and Colby are working on a treehouse concept, because when you have one day to build a decent shelter, what you want to strive for is maximum complexity. In an interview in which he and Lex are together, Colby insists with gravity that the floor plan is "up here," pointing to his noggin. Heh. They talk about their plan for an elevated floor, a kitchen area, and a "nap area." Wow, the first house I design for myself is definitely going to have an officially-designated nap area. The treehouse is even set to possibly include a "crow's nest." Or, as Colby says, a "love nest." They agree that with Hatch on the team, you get lots of love. "Too much love," Lex says. Has Hatch been sending them flowers or trying to make out with them or something? Because otherwise, Colby and Lex are completely freaking paranoid, and it's starting to be a little off-putting. Shii Ann and Jenna are talking about possible add-ons for the house. "Rock garden," they murmur. "What else is in a regular house?" Shii Ann says. "TV," Jenna offers with a blank smile. There is a pause. "We're not making a TV," Shii Ann says in gentle disbelief. I wish Shii Ann had patted Jenna on the head at this point, because it would have been appropriate. Hatch explains that he and Kathy are sitting out -- and that he was happy to sit out, because it's a lot of work. "We've got Lex and Colby building the shelter, and...Shii Ann and Jenna are...." He makes exaggerated finger-quotes. "Helping!" Now, that had the potential to be funny, had he delivered "helping" with even a little bit of subtlety. The right voice inflection or the right look would have made that wry and cutting. This is just goofy. Hatch has lost his touch, humor-wise, as far as I'm concerned. He's trying much too hard, and it's getting to be like we're all stuck at a party with the "pull my finger" guy.

Back at the project site, Shii Ann offers the list they've built of creative add-ons. It includes a hammock, a rope ladder, a dumbwaiter with a pulley, the aforementioned rock garden, and a coconut phone. ["Oooh, someone watched the 'Das Bus' episode of The Simpsons right before she went to Panama. All that's missing from her list of treehouse requirements are 'delicious wine' and 'monkey butlers.' They'll live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!" -- Wing Chun] The guys don't really listen, going back to their insistence that it's about "the structural stuff." Aside from the coconut phone, I don't think Shii Ann's ideas were all that stupid. They're all things that, if you accomplished them, would indeed have the capacity to set your shelter apart and give it a little pizzazz. Shii Ann expresses frustration in an interview that Colby and Lex ignored her comments like she wasn't even there. Meanwhile, Lex comments that they have to build the shelter strong, because they have to accommodate a "250-pound shark-catching gay fisherman." Again, it would be nice if Colby or Lex could manage to discuss Hatch once without saying "gay." I mean...I get that he says it himself, but still. Not every time, y'all. People will start to wonder what your deal is, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.

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