Survivor

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Probst Hates Fang
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Probst has gone crazy in the "previously on" segment. I think he caught malaria when he was in Africa, because he is hallucinating a very different version of last week's episode than the one I watched. He craps all over the Fang tribe, calling them "one of the worst tribes in Survivor history" and claiming that Michelle was "one of their best athletes." And he says Fang "selected" G.C. to be their tribe leader when we all know Probst forced it on them. Then he claims that it was "out of character" for Fang to make a unified decision when they voted out Gillian, even though the vote for Michelle was just as unified! Probst is turning into a cranky old man. I don't like it.

Fang returns to camp, its members happy to still be in the game. Crystal says that by voting out Gillian, they got rid of a "major physical weak link." Meanwhile, Crystal was just as bad at climbing a hill as Gillian was, and she's half her age and supposedly a gold medalist. The tribe enjoys a dinner of rice and says they have to win tomorrow. Meanwhile, Randy does what he does best: glare at everyone and then talk shit behind their backs. This time, he's pulling a Michelle and saying his tribe is stupid and he doesn't think he can win in a tribe of "complete idiots." Right. Because Randy's the president of MENSA.

Oh look! It's a baby hippo! So cute. Morning comes for Fang and Randy is still on board the complain-train. He says it's only day seven and the bucket of rice is half empty. You know, Randy, a more optimistic person would call it half full. Randy blames this on whomever in his tribe decided they should eat three meals a day. Apparently there were no cameras around for him to talk shit to, so he's forced to actually say something negative in front of his tribe: if they don't start conserving the rice, they'll run out and be in serious trouble. He suggests cutting down to two meals a day from now on as a compromise. Everyone in the tribe agrees with this well-thought-out plan presented in a conciliatory and reasonable manner -- except G.C.. He claims that since "other people" made too much food in the beginning, to the point where he was actually throwing out uneaten rice (which is so stupid there's just nothing I can say about it. Throwing out food? When you're starving and only going to be more starving as the days go by? Good lord), he shouldn't be made to suffer by cutting back on food now that they're running low. Randy calls G.C. a "cancer" in their tribe, but even cancer knows better than to throw out rice instead of keeping it for later.

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Survivor

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