Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
Probst Hates Fang

Over at Exile "Island," we're meant to think a herd of elephants is nearby. One of the elephants is about to take a tremendous shit, by the way. It's got its tail up and ass sticking out. Nature! Sugar gets to the gourds and immediately picks the clue. She tells us comfort would have been "nice," but ultimately "really stupid," so again she is proving to be smarter than I thought. She reads the clue and whips out a map, and clearly on the map there's an X that says "clue 2" on it. Where did that come from? Did Dan have that map? Why would they give anyone a map that basically tells you where the clue is? And if they gave Dan the same map, why in the world was he looking in the lake for the next clue?

And thus begins Sugar's Odyssey. She walks through "the jungle" which is, like, three trees and a cutaway shot of animals that probably aren't in the same hemisphere. Seriously, I'm pretty sure those monkeys are at the L.A. Zoo. Sugar does manage to find some wildlife in the form of ants, which promptly bite her while an elephant looks on judgmentally. Shut up, elephant. Some of us don't have skin that's ten inches thick, okay? Sugar narrates that she's not much of a camper and doesn't like to be dirty. Well then, she is definitely on the right show! Sugar checks out the map again and decides she's gone too far. "This time, I've gone to far," she says dramatically. Hey, looks like Sugar's got a personality! And it's appealing!

Oh, wait a minute. Now we rapidly switch gears from light-hearted jungle mishaps to Sugar sobbing over the recent death of her father. Way to kill the mood, editor. Sugar's dad died seven months ago and it's still so painful that she has a hard time even saying her dad is dead. So I'm sure it felt great for her to watch herself talking about it when this episode aired. Sugar thinks this game will help her become stronger and get through this hard patch in her life. I think telling people to address you by your real name and not Sugar might go a long way towards that, too. It's cool when people take you seriously. Amazingly, Sugar finds the sandy crater that Dan couldn't even come close to. She sets about searching the huge place for the clue and finds it! I am officially impressed. I won't even think less of her when she wonders if this is a clue or some kind of joke as she unwraps the burlap. The next clue tells her to look for "one tree hill" and "climb for salvation's sake." Quick, before Chad Michael Murray tries to marry you!

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