Shocking! Simply Shocking!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Rumblings Of Mutiny

The first round features Sandra, Ryan-O, and Darrah. Sandra is the first to hit, but she laments that she doesn't like the fact that, due to her bad form, she also bonked herself in the mouth. Heh. I always look for the person in each challenge who does what I would do, and that? Is what I would do. Get the target, but chip a tooth. Ryan-O hits next, so he and Sandra are at one target each. Don't worry about Darrah, by the way. She's just smiling and looking pretty. She wouldn't hit nothin'. Sandra hits again. Ryan-O hits again. Ryan-O hits the final target and moves on to the last round. The next heat includes Burton, Rupert, and Jon. The short version is that Rupert smokes everybody and moves on to the next round. The long version, however, includes the fun fact that Jon hits a target out of sequence and is disqualified, leading Jeff to remark, "One more challenge Jon cannot finish." You know, I'm surprised Jeff hasn't actually punched Jon in the mouth by now. It would almost be more merciful than this Death By A Thousand Times That Jeff Can Barely Be Bothered To Tell You How Badly You Suck. Oh, and Rupert has his hair back in a ponytail secured with what kind of looks like a scrunchie, because the skirt just wasn't studly enough. Next up are Tijuana, Lill, and Christa. Christa has the worst form of anyone in the competition, making weird faces and leaning in odd directions and generally acting like the nitwit I'm beginning to think she, in fact, is. Lill and Tijuana each get a hit fairly early, and then Lill manages another one by first chipping the plate, and then kicking in the air and praying and getting very, very lucky. Tijuana gets another one by smacking the same plate about three times until it finally breaks. In the end, the winner of the heat is Lill, who acts very surprised. "Cincinnati, represented!" Jeff says. Ew, Jeff, don't do that. Get into the whole "represented" thing, and it's only a matter of time before much more objectionable phraseology starts working its way into your vocabulary. And no one wants to see that hizzappen.

In the final round between Rupert, Ryan-O, and Lill, she hits first. She also hits second. Wow, could it be that Lill will be the winner? Oh, of course not, because that would mean Rupert wouldn't be the center of the universe. So of course, Rupert comes on strong with several hits and takes the whole thing out from under her. Man, I am so totally Rupert-ed out right now. You know how they feel about rice? That's how I feel about Rupert. Lill, never one to hold grudges, warmly congratulates him. Jeff tells Rupert that he can choose someone to go with him to breakfast, or he can give breakfast away to someone who will then choose someone else (other than Rupert himself) to go with him. Big Daddy Rupert decides to give away breakfast. Now, obviously, the logical person for him to give breakfast to would be Lill, considering how well she performed, but he gives it to Burton, in supposed recognition of Burton's meaningless handing over of immunity to him at the previous night's tribal council. Wow, if Burton really got the breakfast reward in exchange for a completely inconsequential giving over of the Supreme Cutlass, then that's one of the biggest suckerings I ever saw. In the end, though, I think Rupert's dumb, but even I don't think he's quite that dumb. No, this is just more of Rupert's crusade to prove that only he is worthy, and only he is really committed to the tribe. Look how giving he is! He's totally my role model. Anyway, as Burton contemplates whom he should take along -- with, again, the obvious person being Lill, given that (a) they're natural allies, and (b) she almost won the challenge, Rupert just has to mutter, "Take Lill," because he is the boss of everyone at all times and IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY! Burton does take Lill, which Rupert undoubtedly believes is because of his bossy ass, but which, as we will see, is quite obviously because Burton wants to scheme with her against Rupert. Oh, how I do love irony. It's nice to see people you don't like eat crow, but it's also acceptable for it to be administered intravenously while they're not looking.

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