Survivor

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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One Decade Older, If Not Wiser

At the Villains camp, Rob and Tyson try to climb a palm tree to get some fronds for the roof of their shelter. Fortunately, they have Jerri there to talk some sense into them, as she points out that this is both unnecessary and ridiculously dangerous. Rob then interviews that while he doesn't want to risk getting hurt just for some fronds, he knows of one person who is "so full of himself" that he won't be able to resist a challenge: DOUCHE. So while Douche interviews that he and Rob are awesome friends and iron sharpens iron, he tries to climb the palm tree while Rob and Sandra laugh at him, then take bets on whether or not he'll be able to do it. Sandra bets he won't, because she is the smartest person there. She interviews that she likes Rob and thinks she's a lot like him. So much so, in fact, that she'd like to align with him "until it's time to cut his throat." In the end, Douche elects not to climb the tree, much to Sandra's delight. Rob now owes her one dollar.

Night falls on Camp Heroes. Everyone is asleep except for Sugar, who interviews that in this game, as in life, she's always looking for "a protector." By which she means one of the "sexy young men" on her tribe. But they're either taken or not interested, so she snuggles up next to Colby instead. And then proceeds to talk, even though everyone else is clearly trying to sleep. Colby interviews that Sugar "started chattin' up again ... chattin' up loud." Didn't she pull this kind of stuff in Gabon, too, and that's why everyone hated her? That's what they said in interviews afterwards but we didn't get to see that then, so I thought she was awesome. Now that she's grabbing Colby's hands and placing them across her bosom, I find her a little pathetic. Also, wasn't she married or something at her Survivor finale? What happened to that? Colby tries to escape her by leaving the shelter and sitting in front of the fire, but she just finds him and lies next to him. He blames her for the entire tribe not getting much sleep, although I think more of the blame goes to Rupert's broken toe, which is so broken and painful that it's making everyone else's toes hurt, too.

The next day, Colby and James discuss eating one of their chickens to get some energy before the immunity challenge. They figure the rooster is their best bet, since he's the biggest and can't lay eggs. J.T. grabs the rooster and breaks its neck with a loud snapping sound. James loves J.T. for this, while Rupert no doubt thinks about how that rooster's neck is still not as broken as his darn toe. James interviews that his great-great-grandmother once did that when he was three, twisting off a chicken's head clean off and letting the body run around for a while. James laughs at the memory, then decides that it was actually traumatic. I'll bet. When I was three, I saw a toilet at JC Penney overflow. I had no idea toilets could do that, and I couldn't flush a toilet without then running for my life for years afterward. Um, actually ... I still do that in public bathrooms. Can you blame me? They flush so loudly, and with such force! So I can't imagine the terror that a headless chicken would have inspired in me. But the resulting chicken soup wins the approval of the rest of the tribe. Colby confidently interviews that his tribe is on a roll, and the Villains, who don't have "small victories," such as fire and some chickens that wandered away from some guy's backyard, will soon self-destruct.

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Survivor

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