Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
One Decade Older, If Not Wiser

Probst asks if anyone thinks he's on the wrong tribe. Of course, several of the Villains raise their hands. "What did we do that's so bad?" Parvati asks. Jerri says she's living up to her Black Widow title by wearing a black cowboy hat. Colby interrupts to point out that he is wearing a white cowboy hat, as if that's totally a coincidence and they weren't told what to wear by the producers. Probst finally gives a woman a chance to speak, telling Parvati that while she did a "great job" on her second season of whatever, she lead a "notorious tribe of women." Which Amanda was a part of, was she not? And Cirie? Both of whom are on the "Hero" tribe? Okay then. Probst just thinks Parvati is evil because she eliminated his beloved Ozzy. "Great player, yes ... hero? No," Probst says. Parvati tries to speak, but Probst just turns and asks James if he agrees. Why are we hearing what James has to say? He's boring and stupid. He immediately says Parvati is a villain, but we cut him off before he can give yet another stupid speech about apples. Probst says James must be right because he is huge, then asks if anyone is intimidated by the "sheer size" of James. I'm not sure what he means by that since just looking at a wide shot of the entire group, J.T. and Tyson seem to be about the same height as James. Get over your mancrush already, Probst. James says he isn't intimidated by physical prowess so much as the players who can strategize. Probst reminds us that James is a moron and was voted out of his first season while in possession of two immunity idols. And then in his second season he was felled by a cut on his finger. Let's not forget that.

Rob says that, despite the Hero tribe's size, he thinks the Villains have the advantage, as their women are much stronger than the Heroes', not like any women are getting a chance to speak. He also thinks they won't have to deal with "the egos" that the Heroes will. He has a point there. While Douche and Li'l Russell are full of themselves, they're nowhere near the smug self-satisfaction of Rupert or Stephenie or Tom. Before any women can try to speak up and ruin Probst's man-conference, he says it's time for their first reward challenge. Each tribe will split up into five teams of two. When Probst says go, one team from each tribe will run to a spot on the beach and dig for a bag, then race back to the mat with it. Whichever team gets the bag on its mat wins a point and the first tribe to get 3 points wins. Of course, contestants can and will wrestle each other to get the bag, because these hard-core physical challenges always work out so well on this show. The winning tribe gets fire and thus drinking water.

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