Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
One Decade Older, If Not Wiser

Let's go to the Heroes side, shall we? They, too, get a tiny pitchfork, so I guess it isn't a prop. It starts raining on them, even though it was sunny at the Villains camp. What the hell? How far away are they from each other? Or does God hate the Heroes? I hope so. They head into the water to wash the sand off and J.T. says that was the best first-day challenge he's ever seen: "Sugar got topless, Stephenie dislocated her shoulder and put it back in, and Rupert broke one toe in three places." I'm pretty sure it isn't even possible to break that tiny toe in three places. Colby interviews that while his team as a whole was strong in the challenge, he personally was not.

With that, the group tries to figure out where they should build their shelter. Sugar wants to leave the decision to "the two oldest men," which I'm sure Rupert and Tom appreciate being referred to as. They get to work on the shelter. Remember when they used to show stuff like that on this show? And now they only do it when they have to fill time because it's a two-hour-long season premiere. That's a shame. Also, check out Stephenie hauling logs with her bad shoulder like it's nothing. Amanda says things are going really well. And then they get even better, as Tom notices some "wild" chickens wandering around nearby. If you are an animal on this show, you do not want to be near Tom. He caught and killed a goddamn shark! He yells for his tribe to help, and J.T. is of course the first to make himself useful, because this is probably what he does back home anyway. They grab the fishing net the producers supplied them with, surround the four chickens, and toss it over them, catching them all. Oh my god, can you guys imagine what Shambo is thinking watching this at home right now? She LOVES chickens. JT interviews that it's "incredible" that they were able to catch all four chickens "in the wild." Oh, come on now. We all know that those aren't wild chickens. They probably belong to whoever's backyard the Heroes camp is next to.

Night 1 at the Villains camp, the tribe makes fun of Rupert. Ha! Jerri says he merely "stubbed" his toe, while Randy does an impression of him. Douche reminisces about his stunning victory over Colby, although he claims in an interview that while he'd "forgotten" about his impressive display, his tribe couldn't stop thinking about it. Jerri, with her past with Colby, naturally gravitates towards Douche, her new hero. Say what? She interviews that she wants to get to know him better while snuggling up beside him to sleep. NOOO! Not Jerri! Also, what happened to Douche's ladyfriend from the finale? Douche interviews that he is also interested in Jerri, who is a "different kind of girl" to his "different kind of guy." Randy, meanwhile, laughs at them. The next morning, the camp is abuzz about Douche and Jerri's blossoming romance. Douche actually smiles goofily when Li'l Russell and Parvati tease him about it, which makes him -- as much as I hate to say it -- kind of endearing. Meanwhile, Sandra and Courtney tease Jerri about Douche. I think Courtney's just doing it because she likes calling Douche "the Dragonslayer" and then laughing.

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