Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B+ | 596 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Bare Asses and Bad-Asses

Down to the final flag, and Davey Rockett, Alex, and Deena have taken the lead. Jenna is more focused on the other tribes' progress than her own, and Peachy admonishes her: "Don't look at them, guys. Let's go!" Alex snatches his team's last flag, and they bicycle backwards toward the finishing line while Peachy enthuses, "Ooooh! Backstroke!" It's an easy victory from this point in, and so Deena, Alex, and Davey Rockett move on to compete against each other in the final round.

The individual contest is Davey Rockett's from the start, with Alex a close second, and Deena a distant third. Peachy narrates that Deena's "bringin' up the rear," which is hella different than "own[ing]" the game, I'd say. As Peachy says, "Just like that, it's over," and Davey Rockett is proclaimed the victor. Peachy congratulates him on the "nicely done" win, and Davey Rockett faux-humbly responds, "Appreciate that." Peachy then asks, "But what is an afternoon spent alone?" and gives Davey Rockett the option to take along another player with him. Davey Rockett hides two fingers behind his back, and at first I think it's some sort of "jinx" thing, but instead he asks Alex and Deena to pick either one or two. Deena gets it right and leaps over to Dave, happily announcing, "I could kiss you!" Davey Rockett demonstrates exemplary restraint by not begging her not to. Meanwhile, Jenna looks pissed while HeiDDi looks flummoxed. How could he not have picked HeiDDi? She's cute! She's young! She's thin! She's 100\% inorganic and flame-retardant!

Four birds take flight to happy music as Peachy leads Deena and Davey Rockett on a trek through the jungle toward their reward. He announces that he thinks they'll like what has been prepared for them, and I hope so, considering the whole "reward" thing and all. The camera shows us bath supplies, including fancy soaps, shampoo and conditioner, and two wooden troughs. Yes, I said "wooden troughs." They couldn't have dragged some nice clawfoot tubs out there? Peachy reads the script intended for any grouping of players, announcing that it's "a little afternoon hideaway for you two." Peachy then realizes that Deena is indeed one of the winners, so hurries to desexualize the challenging by pointing out the "his and hers" bathtubs. He also seems particularly excited about the "bath bombs," which he eagerly explains are "those little white balls." Next, Peachy shows off the food, including a pitcher of iced tea; the so-called banana splits -- which appear to be a bowl of two plain bananas; strawberries and cream; and a brownie sundae that could be more accurately described as brownie sundae soup. They couldn't have put it on ice or something? I mean, we already know they dragged a refrigerator out there, so why not a freezer? In any case, Peachy proclaims the area theirs to enjoy, and Deena calls it "the bomb." Peachy doesn't rush to say, "As I already told you once, those little white balls over there are the bombs."

Survivor

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