Survivor
Slip Through Your Fingers

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Booty Duty

So that's it for the jury, which seems smaller this season. Peachy's off to tally. The camera slowly pans around the outside of the Tribal Council hut, and by the time we get back to the S2, Clay's gained about forty pounds, and his beard has grown several inches. Brian looks pretty much the same, except for his beefy arms. A more chiseled Peachy announces that "it's been a long thirty-nine days, and it comes down to this." He's a little giggly through this statement, so I think it's some sort of inside joke about how much time has really passed. Peachy thanks the jury for their "very spirited" comments and questions, points out that the new Chevy Trailblazer is "not a bad truck," and snarks that "if Brian knew how to spell 'road trip,' he'd already own one." In addition to the truck, tonight's winner will also win the overrated title of "Sole Survivor," and the underrated million dollars. New Clay looks like he ate Old Clay.

Peachy explains that there are seven votes in total, so it will take four to win. The first vote is for Clay, which causes him to remove his hand from Brian's upper thigh. The second vote is for Brian, which causes him to put his hand on Clay's upper thigh. We alternate with the next votes until the score is tied with three votes each. Peachy announces, "I'll read the last vote," as opposed to the far more unexpected "I'll now dance the Hokey Pokey." He unfolds the vote, stares at it, then dramatically turns it over to reveal Brian's name. The audience erupts, and the jury hugs him, but no family members converge upon the stage (what with the restraining orders and all). The camera pans back to reveal that we're now live at CBS Television City in Hollywood. We see that C.C. is approximately one hundred law-abiding yards away from Brian in the audience, seated next to a distinguished-looking older gentleman, who may be Brian's very embarrassed father. Or a law enforcement officer. A bunch of random people pile onto the stage, prompting hundreds of members of the viewing audience, including me, to ask aloud, "Who are they?" Turns out, they are the long-forgotten players who didn't make the jury. We'll hear from them, and a manic, apparently non-medicated Peachy, in the reunion special.

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Survivor

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