Something Cruel Is About To Happen…Real Soon

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 14 USERS: A+
The One Where One Tribe Has A Toilet

We move directly to the landing of the boats on a beach, where people begin to climb out. There is some high-fiving, and then there's a part where the captions show one guy saying, "Hey, what's up, man?" to another. I love that. What if they hadn't captioned that, and all we had seen was the greeting and the low-five? You'd miss all the nuance. Edgardo ("Ad Executive"), who is very cute, explains that he was surprised that all nineteen of them were together at the beginning. He was expecting a Probst appearance that was not immediately forthcoming. This would normally be good news, of course, but I guess here, it was not. An older Asian gentleman introduces himself as Yau Man. The young dude he's talking to introduces himself as Boo. If you're thinking that perhaps you didn't need a fellow by the name of Boo, I will tell you that this is The Season Of Nicknames That Grate, and this is just the beginning. Of course, if any show needs a guy named Boo, it's probably this show, because nowhere else on television is there such an intense need for someone who can rescue a ham in trouble.

Someone notes that one of the non-Boo young dudes looks a bit like Sylvester Stallone. In an interview, a bartender already captioned "Rocky" explains that they call him "Stallone" where he works, because of...well, the resemblance. Which is quite real. He does look like a relative. His real name is James, and he has a strong Boston accent, but somehow it's kind of not the good kind. It's the punk kind, but I might just be saying that because I know what's to come, and because hearing a Boston accent on this show makes me want to ban myself and crawl in a hole until it's over. Everyone decides that the next step is to "walk around." Nice. I guess this is what happens when you don't give them a task. "Durrr...maybe we should walk around, ya think?" Boo ("Construction Worker") says that they were all just happy to be there. He's pretty cute also, Boo, if you like that kind of thing. And if being Mrs. Boo wouldn't bother you. (Or of course "Mr. Boo." But then you'd have to sing the song. ("I'm Mister Boo...[wah-wah-oooooo].") Before long, the group comes across its apparent water source, so they start filling up. Presumably, they are aware that this water will need boiling before they can drink it. I will point out that "Rocky" has "Boston" tattooed on his arm, making two "Boston" tattoos in three seasons, which is fairly surprising. It kind of seems to me that planting your city name on your arm is a little weak, you know? It's like walking around with "Go Mets!" on your ass. It's just...pedestrian. Anyway, after finding water, they all come across a big cave that seems promising in terms of shelter. Anthony ("Expert Witness Locator") says that the cave was a "blessing." Not only that, but somebody locates a lemon tree, which will be great once they find the stash of tea leaves. There are bananas, too. Fruit, fruit, everywhere!

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