Survivor
Something Cruel Is About To Happen…Real Soon

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 14 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The One Where One Tribe Has A Toilet

And then...oh, and then. We meet a young man who says that his real name is Andre, and his caption says that he's a cheerleading coach. And what does he call himself? "Dreamz." WITH A "Z." The thought process behind this: "I should be named something...like...like DREAMS! Except...except with a Z!" It just mystifies me. He tells the rest of the group that he's a natural "Fujian," and then decides he doesn't mean to pledge allegiance to any particular camera, so he changes it to "Fijian." He tells us that "Dreamz" is "a name of strive [sic] and achievement." It's also a name of making my spellcheck constantly go, "Really?" The irony, of course, is that literal use of names to try to dictate how things turn out never works very well. Princess winds up being the name of a stripper, and William The Magnificent is generally a king who beheaded puppies. Dreamz and Earl ("Ad Executive") and a couple of other folks scale a peak enough to look out over Fiji and decide that it's attractive. Earl tells us that this stage is a lot like "buying a new house" and wanting to see everything: "This is our house." What he doesn't realize is that it's going to be like being in a house with eighteen of your relatives. Not the good ones, either.

Back at camp, Cassandra ("College Administrator") sheepishly explains that her only experience with the outdoors took her less than fifty feet off the road, so she's kind of out of her element. So...she only leaves the car for peeing, I guess. She says that she only likes coconut when it comes from the grocery store. Yeah, everything totally tastes better in a plastic tub instead of hanging on a tree. Yau Man is in the process of telling Cassandra that eating coconut without any tools is "a test of patience." It's good to know that he's up for a test of patience, certainly, considering some of the people he's apparently going to be living with. He promises Cassandra, though, that it's totally worth it. She asks whether he's actually ever made it into a coconut without something to chop it with, and he confirms that he has -- he grew up on the island of Borneo, which has similar vegetation. That should be handy. Yau Man ("Computer Engineer") tells us that he's definitely trying to make a point to the rest of the group, because it's not like he isn't aware that the old dude always goes out early. It's like seeing the famous Star Trek redshirted ensign try to learn several languages so that they have to keep him around. I also like the fact that Yau Man uses the expression "booted off." He says that he can be helpful and useful with coconut and stuff, so he's hoping that will help. We return to a group shot at camp, where Yau Man casually spears a coconut to open it and then passes it around. That'll make you popular.

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Survivor

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