Something Cruel Is About To Happen…Real Soon

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 14 USERS: A+
The One Where One Tribe Has A Toilet

On Night 2, someone whose identity is obscured by darkness is teasing "Dreamz" about his name. And "Dreamz" hears someone say something, and he sits up and says, "Who said that? Who said that? Was that a Chinese person that said that?" Oh, this will be good. I certainly hope that he continues this line of questioning throughout the season. I think everything said by anyone should be followed by an immediate quiz regarding the ethnicity of the person who said it. Maybe they could color-code the subtitles. "Dreamz" goes on to say that his idea is to be "playful" so that everyone is absolutely forced to "notice that [he's] present." In other words, his goal is to do the opposite of what, particularly early on, makes for a good player on this show. I mean...honestly. The idea is not to stand out, and you don't need to strive to figure that much out. Along these same lines, we go back to the tent, where one of the women is asking "Dreamz" to please chill out so that everyone can get some sleep. He responds that every time he's asked to shut up, "it just adds fuel to [his] fire." So...let me get this straight. The guy is keeping everyone awake, it's the second night, and his announcement of choice is "No matter how much you politely ask me to shut up, I never will"? Great strategy!

Rocky interviews that it was like there was an explosion of spazzitude right when it was bedtime. We go back to night-vision, and "Dreamz" suddenly asks all the white people to raise their hands. So now he's..."CenzuzTaker"? He demands to know Rocky's ethnic background, and for some reason, instead of punching him, Rocky says, "I'm Italian, Irish, and Spanish." (And many of us go, "Yyyyyep.") It appears as though Rocky actually pulls "Dreamz" out of the little tent for a chat, at which point Rocky tells the kid that he's being ridiculous, talking way too much, and already driving everyone crazy. A crab actually runs away from this conversation, like, "Okay, this is too annoying, even for me, and I'm going to beat it, because if I get riled up, I will pinch a bitch." "Dreamz" insists that he doesn't yell at people. All evidence to the contrary, I guess. Yelling ensues, in which "Dreamz" decides that he's being "belittled," and Rocky insists that's not the issue. Rocky interviews after the fact that he doesn't like it when his feelings show (sniffle!), so he was frustrated about yelling at "Dreamz." "What am I supposed to do?" Rocky wonders aloud. What indeed?

When we return from commercials, it's Day 3, and the sun appears hot, and we are looking at a challenge beach of some sort, and at a cowboy-hatted Jeff Probst. Man, I hope he doesn't intend to wear that thing all season. That is not for everyone, that look, Notalong Cassidy. All nineteen castaways file onto the beach in one big mob. Jeff asks Jessica, because she's young and hot and looks a little like his girlfriend, to run down what happened in the first few minutes after they landed on the beach. She reports that it looked like a beach party, so Jeff moves on to someone more interesting: Yau Man, who tells the story of opening the crate and finding the plans for the Super Shelter. He leaves out the part where he had to open the box before Rocky broke everything inside it by dropping rocks on it. Jeff turns the story over to Alex, asking him whether there was a leader in building the shelter. Alex says that Sylvia's status as an architect pretty much singled her out as a leader in this particular thing. Jeff begins to focus on Sylvia, talking about how she "stepped up to be the leader," and this is the part where Sylvia should realize that this is not necessarily a good thing. She doesn't seem to realize it. When the rest of the tribe happily agrees with this assessment, because most of them know enough not to want to stand out, Jeff calls Sylvia over. She is assigned the task of dividing the other eighteen people into two tribes. Of course, they wisely don't tell her what happens after that, so she doesn't have the chance to create one great tribe and one terrible one, or anything like that. She doesn't get any guidelines at all, as far as splitting men and women -- it's just a matter of putting nine people on each team.

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