Sorry…I Blew It

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
The Champagne And The Challenge Spaz

Chapera gets the other paddles from Rob and they start paddling. They're barely away from shore when Ethan emerges from the woods and gives Mogo Mogo their paddles. As the teams take off paddling for the platforms, it's actually pretty much a dead heat. Chapera is chant-rowing again, which always seems to work for them, while Mogo Mogo is still, you'll recall, short a paddle. As they race for the platforms, Mogo Mogo's boat veers sharply toward the left. It's hard to say, but I think this happens because Ethan and Lex and Jerri are all over on the right pushing hard, and with Colby in the center in back and Kathy in the center in front (alternating strokes on the left and right, I think), the only person actually paddling on the left side of the boat is freaking Shii Ann -- who is useless anyway and is, in any event, paddling with the stick end rather than the flat end of the broken-off paddle. So they've got far, far more paddling power on the right side of the boat than the left, and I think that makes the right side of the boat go faster, and that will push it to the left. By contrast, on Chapera, Alicia is in the front, Rob is in the back. Rupert and Jenna are on one side; Tom and Amber are on the other side. Perfectly balanced, pretty much. And once Mogo Mogo gets off course, they never get back on. Before you know it, Chapera hits the dock and wins reward and immunity. My favorite part is that Amber jumps onto the dock and flops down flat, and Jenna kind of jumps on top of her, and then Amber reaches over and slaps Jenna on the ass. I liked that, because you don't always get girls who will slap each other on the ass at the end of an athletic victory, and it seems to me like the polar opposite of the "Eeeeeeeee!" that girls on reality shows resort to all too often.

Over at Mogo Mogo, Ethan looks dejected. And Kathy? Is crying. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Ms. "Contain Your Emotions When You Feel You've Been Sexually Violated" is boo-hooing because she doesn't get to go to the barbecue. Wow. It's not often someone serves herself up quite that handily on a plate. I think she's actually self-garnishing. Colby has to reach over and comfort her, because she's losing her shit. Over losing the challenge. Wow. You can't make that kind of brilliance up, people. Chapera exchanges hugs. Kathy is still crying. I don't like her for it. I don't know if that's mean-spirited, but that's how I feel. As Kathy continues to cry, Chapera considers which member of Mogo Mogo they want to take on the reward with them. They choose Kathy. As was pointed out by one of the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters (or in this case, Eagle-Eared, I guess), the music they play as Kathy walks over to Chapera is completely ripped off from the beginning of "Flashdance (What A Feeling!)." I mean, you can follow it right from, "All alone, I have cried, silent tears, full of pride, in a world, made of steel, made of stone...." Somebody got lazy at the synthesizer, I believe. Jeff tells Mogo Mogo to go home and think about who will be booted, and it won't be Kathy. Oh, and Chapera? Look over there. That ninety-four-foot yacht is your ride. Much squealing ensues.

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