Chris's opening statement says that he deserves to win, not only because he was "loyal to the alliances that [he] made throughout the game," but because he overcame such long odds, given the fact that he was the last guy with all those chicks. Julie already appears to be wiping away a tear, which...come on. I am convinced someone is peeling an onion just off-camera. In Twila's opening statement, she says that the only thing she wanted to do in the game was win the money for herself and her kid. She says she didn't do everything exactly right, but that everything was just done to win. "I worked hard for it," she says.
The first person to get a shot at the jury is Eliza. Wearing her black-and-white tube top with the little black bow on it, she says that she wants to start with some comments. She tells Twila that she "achieved what [she] set out to do." She did whatever it took to get to the end. "You were a deceptive, lying bitch," Eliza announces, quite pleased with herself. She says that Twila "never treated [Eliza] with an ounce of respect," and says -- as bitter and jealous people have been doing for many moons -- that she might envy being in the final two, but doesn't "envy [Twila's] life." Yes. Because Twila is a bad person. And you're awesome. We get it. Put it on a t-shirt and save me the trouble next time. Eliza then reports, however, that she thinks Twila played well, and at least was "outright" (huh?) in her play. Eliza then turns to Chris, saying that he shocked her. Which is kind of the point. "Whereas I knew Twila was going to be a deceptive, lying bitch," she says, "I did not know that you were a deceptive, lying bitch, too." Well, I hope that felt good, because it kind of doesn't make any sense. It makes people on the jury laugh, though, including Chad, who looks with guilt at the ground. Eliza rips Chris for "pretend[ing] to be [her] friend," and then for betraying her, first with the Julie vote and then...well, of course, with the vote to boot Eliza herself. "Un! Necessary!" she declares.
And this whole theory, of course, that Chris needlessly damaged Eliza, is bullshit. Because had he not kept her on the line, Eliza would have gone to Scout or Twila to at least discuss booting Chris on the basis that all three of the women would rather face each other in an F2 situation than face Chris. And Eliza didn't do that, so Chris outsmarted her. As much as she'd like to believe he could have just told her he intended to vote her off and she would have taken it gracefully, she wouldn't have. So anyway. "My request tonight from the two of you is I would like an apology," Eliza snaps. Now that will be a highly meaningful apology. It's moments like this when you can see that there is absolutely nothing to this except a person who's been embarrassed by losing and now sees the opportunity to make the people who beat her eat shit. I used to kind of defend Eliza, but she just plummeted in my estimation by using her time this way. "Twila, you first," she says.