And when he returns, he tells us how they'll all just have to wait until we get back to the States to find out what happened, because he now has the opportunity, unlike the rest of us, to escape these people for a period of time.

And now, for the Intrepid Jeff the Weary Traveler sequence, in which he takes the votes through the jungle, emerges on the beach the next morning, after apparently machete-ing all night long with the urn under his arm. There, he boards a plane, stops over in Hawaii for lunch or something (I'm just going by the line on the map), puts on his skydiving outfit, and jumps out over California. Yeah. Way to go, Studly. And then he lands, gets on a motorcycle, and drives to Hollywood. I realize that there have been some stupid things on this show, but this is real, real stupid, y'all. Jeff enters the studio on the bike (idiot), and then he heads into the big pit with the audience, and finally, we are about ready for the reveal. The audience is screaming. Chris is bigger again, wearing his long ponytail and black shirt. Twila is in blue, with a masterfully big mullet. Dude. That hair is not kidding around. First vote goes to Chris. Second vote Chris. Third vote Twila. Fourth vote Twila. Fifth vote Chris. Chris now only needs one more. Aaaand...the winner is Chris, who yells, "Fuck yeah!" and runs into the audience, warmly embracing his family and sending the CBS censors into Pepto-swigging convulsions. Chris's family clearly thinks that a million dollars sounds like a good thing. Elsewhere, a celebration breaks out in his hometown. I hate to tell those people, but they're not getting any money. And then Sarge hugs Chris, and then the old dead non-jury people start filing out. More hugging. Jeff looks at the camera and calls Jeff an "unlikely" winner, calls it "an emotional final tribal council," brings up Twila's "big lie," and promises much more to come. And I don't doubt it, even though I dread it.