Survivor
Starvation And Lunacy

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The Straight Poop

Jeff sends the tribes home, where Casaya will await its bathroom.

Later, we find La Mina at camp without Terry on Day 9. Sally talks about how they all knew Casaya would send La Mina's leader off, and then Dan makes this twee speech about making Terry proud of the way the camp is when he gets back. Barf. ["It's like Dan's in love with Terry, but felt he had to hide it, so he hooked up with Ruth Marie so she could be his beard." -- Wing Chun] There's an effort to make it look like they're all at loose ends without Terry, what with talking about whether to get firewood, eat, or nap. Honestly, when you're out in this environment, I imagine there is a fair amount of meaningless discussion about whether to scratch your ass or whistle, so I don't know that Terry's departure is really why that's happening. Austin interviews that nobody's in charge since Terry left, but it's very suspicious how we switch interviews before getting to the part where Austin says he misses Terry and awaits his return.

Over at Casaya, the tribe members return to find that their bathroom has been installed. Chiclets interviews again that they won the reward challenge and got this great little bathroom. Aras decides to call for a discussion of how they're going to use the bathroom. Oh, why don't you lead a drum circle about it, asshole. He wants to use the bathroom for storing firewood and "just keeping things dry." President Beefcake has this to say: "Anyone mind if I break in the dumpster?" Ha! And then he continues: "I've got a deuce to drop." I realize that I am finding this much funnier than would a dignified person. "We should use the bathroom to keep the wood dry," Chiclets snots. President Beefcake interviews that his confederacy of brilliant minds decided they should store wood in the new bathroom. He describes his thinking thusly: "All right. I'm going to go in here and take a dump before you start storing wood in the toilet." Chiclets responds by complaining in her interview that President Beefcake "is not a gentleman." My favorite part is how President Beefcake returns, patting his stomach and saying he feels "about ten pounds lighter," adding, "I'm a whole new man."

See, that whole thing is so stupid. It's not either/or, especially to President Beefcake. I don't think he necessarily thinks they're intending to store wood down the hole; I think he just thinks they want to store wood inside the structure. In other words, I think his attitude was that he was going to get his pooping done before they covered the thing up with wood or whatever. If they really planned to store wood down the hole of the potty, I don't think that's going to be very efficient. There's a shelf where the TP is, and there's a decent bit of space in there -- I totally agree that you could stick some dry wood in there so that you'd be assured of always having some, but I don't see why that necessarily precludes periodic use of the toilet as a toilet, if you see my point. It's easy to argue that President Beefcake could go anywhere in the jungle, but I think unless you've ever tried to have a significant bowel movement in the jungle, you'd probably underestimate how much more comfortable and more pleasant it would be to have a decent outhouse going. Furthermore, Chiclets is off her rocker -- if you want to talk poop etiquette, that's not about being a "gentleman." You're all using the jungle together for this purpose, so standing on ceremony is a little bit dumb, and "gentleman" implies that he's held to some standard higher than the one women would be held to. And really, after all, it's a toilet.

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