Welcome to the beginning of the end! I'm really excited about recapping three hours of show tonight, as it should prove to be my own personal version of Survivor. My first obstacle is that my DirectTV DVR had a technical glitch and decided to record The Price is Right instead of Survivor, and not even a full episode of the show. Just the stupid Showcase Showdown part. So now I have to recap using the CBS site to watch the show and be subjected to the same damn shampoo commercial every five minutes. Also I ran out of snacks, so I'm starving. The things I endure for you people! Probst recaps the season so far: a bunch of clown "Fans" with bad hair played against a bunch of so-called "Favorites," which somehow included Jon from Pearl Islands but not Twila from Vanuatu. Jonathan and James had to leave the game due to injuries, while Kathy was felled by rain. Parvati, Amanda, and Cirie made an early alliance and stuck to it, although Parvati went around making side deals with "Fans" Alexis and Natalie. Ozzy got the immunity idol, but didn't play it and was shocked to be voted out. Eliza was shocked too, and the editors let us see her priceless reaction once more and it was like this: 8-o. Then the women turned into spiders and blind-sided everyone, which isn't much of an accomplishment when you consider how stupid those people were. But still: props to the ladies! And then Erik won immunity and was guaranteed a spot in the Final Four, only to be persuaded to give up said immunity and be voted out. And Eliza was like this: 8-O.
Now there are four: first up, because she should ALWAYS be first, is Cirie, who says, over shots of her various game accomplishments (which include swimming with paint on her face, picking up a branch and smiling) that if she trusts you she'll stick with you until the end (unless it's rock-picking time -- sorry about that, Amanda!). But if she can't trust you, then you shouldn't trust her. Over shots of her walking, swimming and sitting down, Natalie tells us she's a cutthroat, stone-cold bitch. As we see her run and smile, Amanda tells us she's played this game loyally, made personal relationships, and fought her way to the end. Parvati at least gets some action shots as she claims that she's playing this game aggressively and with "no holds barred." Hmph. More like "no holes barred."
The ladies return to camp and celebrate their victory over Erik with shrieks of joy that make the crabs run away in terror. They hug and scream and then stir their fake cauldrons while cackling. Hmm. I was hoping it was only Parvati and Alexis who did that. I'm sort of disappointed in Natalie, Cirie and Amanda. Amanda does a cute little Final Four victory dance just for us, and then Parvati says that as soon as Erik said "this is a tough choice," she knew they had him. Parvati tells us that everyone fell into their trap -- and it was the same trap over and over again! Well, except for what happened to Alexis, which was like the opposite of that trap. But still, they did manage to pull off some amazing moves and produce some very enjoyable tribal councils, so they deserve this. Cirie tells us that they couldn't beat Erik in any of the challenges, but now he's been "taken care of," so their game may continue. Parvati says that after four back-to-back blindsides, she can't wait to see what happens next. With that, Amanda, Parvati and Natalie do "sexy" dances while Cirie keeps her dignity.