Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
Only Shallow

And now it's time for Ozzy, the big giant baby. Ozzy says he's the "biggest idiot" up there and truly, personally hurt by what Parvati did to him. He feels like she put a price on their friendship. "You threw us away!" he drama queens. And he gets even more emotional as he says that there's no way she's a role model to any of Alexis' girls if she can throw a friendship away like that. Okay, yeah, but -- it's a friendship with an asshole. I don't think Alexis' girls should be friends with assholes. Parvati for role model of the year! Ozzy says he doesn't want any words from Parvati, so she doesn't give him any. Ozzy says that the hardest part was that Parvati took away fourteen days that he could have spent with Amanda. He slaps himself dramatically and takes a deep breath before addressing Amanda. He says that he was never playing Amanda or lying about his feelings for her. And he thinks he's in love with her. I think he's in love with camera time. He wants everyone on the jury to know what a great person she is, and he's glad he lost Cook Islands because it let him be on this show and meet her. He sits back down and smiles at her. She smiles back. Aww, young, dumb love. Probst claims this was an interesting final tribal council and now it's time to the vote. He gives them a minute to think about their vote, and we go to commercial off of Ozzy's stupid face, just like he wanted us to.

After the commercial, Probst reminds everyone that the name they're writing down tonight will be the winner. We see a shot of Jason and remember why Probst needs to remind everyone of simple facts like these. And now, it's time to vote. We don't see Cirie's vote. I'm surprised that Erik votes for Amanda, saying he's willing to forgive and forget if she is. I think you have a lot more to forgive and forget than she does, kid. "You played a good game," he finishes. Aww, I like Erik. I feel bad that he has to be in the Survivor Hall of Fame for the Dumbest Move Ever. Jason thinks for a while, probably trying to remember how to write letters. Cause he's dumb. Alexis votes for Parvati with an "I <3 Parv" and says she deserves the money and will do "amazing things" with it. Keep dreaming, Alexis! Natalie also votes for Parvati, and we see that she wrote "Rock on, sister!" on her vote. I'm surprised she didn't put her digits on there as well. Of course, Ozzy votes for Amanda, saying he hopes to God that she wins, as she deserves the money "a million times more" than Parvati and he loves her. James steps up and votes; we don't see for who. And last but certainly not least, we have Eliza. She steps up to the table, but doesn't pick up the pen. Instead, she stands there and agonizes over her decision in several shots that make it appear as though much time is passing. Oh, Eliza; mugging until the end! Love you! Outside the voting booth, everyone's wondering if Eliza, like, fell in or something. Even Probst is getting impatient, shifting from side to side. FINALLY, she votes. And after all that suspense, we don't get to see who for.

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