Survivor

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Only Shallow

Some cheerful music plays us into Day 38, so you know that as the sun rises, so did the castaways' spirits. Parvati claims that she will never touch a coconut ever again. I doubt that; I have tried to make a life out of avoiding gross coconut, only to be sneak-attacked by chocolates I thought were full of something good like strawberry cream or caramel but instead were full of coconut. And then you have to eat the entire chocolate because you don't want to be the asshole who takes one bites and puts it back. Parvati tells us that she's "ecstatic" to be here with Cirie and Amanda. Well, of course she's going to say that -- we can see them standing like fifteen feet away from her in her confessional! Parvati's not an idiot like Erik who talks about fellow contestants when they're within earshot. Unless that contestant is Eliza. Poor Eliza. To celebrate their victory, the girls decide to finally free Gloria, the last chicken standing. I think this was more of an act of laziness than charity; Cirie tells us that they didn't want to deal with killing Gloria and seeing her "flopping around" as she died. Gloria greets her freedom by making a nest in the sand right next to the starving women holding machetes. Gloria is stupid. And yet, if she were to win an immunity necklace, I bet she'd keep it. Cirie says Gloria doesn't seem to realize that the game is "over," and a "done deal," and is hanging around camp like their pet dog. What Cirie needs to do right now is kill Gloria and eat her when Amanda and Parvarti aren't looking so she can get the extra protein necessary for a possible surprise immunity challenge.

The ladies walk, arm-in-arm, to the treemail, where they're sure they'll find a basket full of food congratulating them for being the Final Three. And that's why it's kind of funny when they find not food, but a note informing them that there will be one more immunity challenge and a Final Two. But first they have to go to Exile Island and look at previous contestants' torches. The three are seriously bummed about the Final Two, as well they should be. Parvati doesn't seem quite as bummed as the other two, though, because she probably knows that whoever wins the immunity challenge will be taking her to the Final Two. Cirie and Parvati walk off, dejected, but Amanda stays to fold her arms and be the saddest. Amanda sobs to us that she can't take this game anymore and it doesn't seem to ever end. And now she's so close to the two remaining ladies that she can't bear to see one of them go. "This just sucks completely!" she says.

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Survivor

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