Surprise! And…Surprise Again!

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Everyone With The Game Wrapped Up...

Previously on Ami's Krazy Mixed-Up Guide To Girl-Bashing Feminism: Ami, Chad, and Chris pushed Eliza through an obstacle course and were treated to a feast of undercooked meat and muddy liquor. They could hardly believe their luck! It was like the Spring Fling in college, only without the streakers. Back at camp, Scout hatched a plan to boot Eliza and Ami, which looked like it was coming together until Ami found out about it. Because Scout told her. Scout was immediately enrolled in future remedial strategery classes, in which Lesson #1 will be that the expression "dog eat dog" doesn't mean it's the same dog, so when you're having a party to plot against someone, it's better not to invite her. Twila snagged immunity, and when Ami talked the Long-Dark-Haired Minions into coming back to the fold, Scout and Twila scattered like cockroaches, and Chad took the boot. Six women and one guy left. Who will be voted off tonight? (And if you say "Chris," you've clearly been watching the show all season, because honestly, what other outcome is plausible?)

Credits. Oh, how I miss Chad already. What a pretty, pretty bald man he was.

Volcano! And...more volcano! Do you think things are getting...hotter? Do ya feel it? DO YA? We stare up through night-vision palm trees, and then see the limp, dusty Alinta flag on Night 27. It doesn't really seem like it can really be all that limp and dusty, but that's sure the way the spooky music makes it look. The sad little group returns from tribal council, and Eliza tells everyone that she had -- yet again -- been totally convinced she was going home. Eliza explains in an interview that she doesn't enjoy going to tribal council over and over again feeling like her head is on the block (which it generally is), but that she finds it a little amusing that no matter how much everyone schemes against her, she's still there. I agree with her. And the farther she gets, the funnier it is, because Eliza's success is self-righteousness's failure, and I have nothing but good things to say about that. As a fire burns, Chris huddles with Eliza, Leann, and Julie, and spills the beans about Twila and Scout's having had this plot to oust Eliza and then knock off the Ami/Leann/Julie axis. Eliza sits with her mouth hanging open. We know she's not shocked to hear she was on the block, so perhaps she's surprised to hear that her own booting was not the end of the plan. "Swear to God on my family's life," Chris says, and he can, because it's completely true. Just because the FBI always says it doesn't mean it isn't true -- sometimes, the craftiest scheme is telling the truth. In an interview, Chris explains that as soon as he got back, he ratted Scout and Twila right out, just to keep everything nice and stirred up. "I just mixed things up as soon as we got back. It's gonna be a mess," he chuckles. I'm happy for him. He has yet to figure out the obvious way to solve his problem, but at least he's scrambling instead of just sitting there waiting for the axe to fall or giving embittered interviews in which he says, "I don't play like that; I play with honor" or some such self-pitying horseshit. Leann says that this "changes everything in [her] head for the moment," which I don't think is exactly a feat on par with moving a piano, if you see my point. But then she voices over that she's not sure what to believe about Chris's claims, because it's obviously to Chris's advantage to create discord among the women. Glad she's got the mental burners on "warm," at least. She's not ready to simmer anything, but at least she could keep soup from congealing.

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