Survivor
Survivalism

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Sorry I wasn't here last week! Looks like I missed a lot of Li'l Li'l Russell, which is just fine with me. It's Day 9 now, and the sun rises on Savaii. Ozzy and Elyse hang out in the hammock and Elyse asks Ozzy about his family and how good they must be at camping and outdoorsy activities. What is this girl's obsession with people's family members? When she isn't assuming that Ozzy somehow inherited his ability to climb a palm tree, she's hoping that she inherited something from her Native American ancestors. Ozzy says he was always into "survivalism," unlike the rest of his family, who were, apparently, into dyingism. Jim notices Ozzy and Elyse cozying up and does not like it, saying that Ozzy is such a "powerful physical presence" that if he has a solid bond with someone who isn't Jim to go along with that, then Jim could be in trouble. He decides that Ozzy is too valuable to get rid of right now, so Elyse should go next.

To that end, he talks to John about voting Elyse out. Jim gets all giddy at the prospect of making a "Survivor move," while John is probably just happy Elyse is being targeted instead of him for a change. "She's so freaking hot," Jim then says out of nowhere. John offers to "put on a seaweed wig" if that'll make Jim happy. I kind of wonder if it would, actually. John interviews that he's not sure how much he can trust Jim and his "used car salesman... suspiciously white" toothed-smile, but as long as he's talking about getting rid of Elyse, John is fine with it. They shake on their secret alliance.

All good things must come to an end, so we head over to Upolu and Li'l Li'l Russell, who is having his 1,367,023rd crisis of conscience. He says his "pride" got in the way of the "good intentions" he came into this game with. He says he's decided to "be a better person" from here on out. Why announce that? Just do it. He talks to Mikayla, apologizing for losing his temper on her. She just nods and says she "appreciates" his apology. Yeah, right. She immediately interviews that while she's happy that Li'l Li'l Russell said he was sorry, she doesn't understand why he can just think before he speaks in the first place. She then blames Li'l Li'l Russell's problems on who his uncle is. I don't understand why who someone is related to is such a big deal to these people. My uncle is a science professor. I write very unscientific reviews of TV shows. Not the same.

Next up is Edna, who Li'l Li'l Russell feels the need to inform that everyone she thought was her friend was really lying to her, including Li'l Li'l Russell. He says he can't lie to anybody anymore, and so he's going to accomplish that by freely volunteering information that wasn't his to give, like how there's a Core 5 in the tribe and she's not in it. Edna feels personally rejected and gets teary-eyed. She says it's easier to believe peoples' lies that she's welcome and belongs to her tribe than it is to accept the truth. Yes. That's also why you shouldn't go on this show.

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Survivor

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