Survivor

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The Lost Art of Letter-Writing

With that, we begin. The contestants set themselves up on the widest foothold and Probst starts the ten-minute countdown. He immediately sets about saying that he doesn't think the Heroes truly divided their tribe according to who is the strongest, since J.T. is just #3 and Probst is in love with him. Also, he did win this challenge the first time around, but that was against people like Douche and Taj, so that doesn't say very much. Probst then announces that today is Amanda's 100th day in this game. She is the first person to reach that milestone. Even Sandra is impressed with Amanda's accomplishment, throwing her a "you go girl."

Ten minutes pass. No one falls, and Probst tells them to move down to the next narrowest foothold. They all do so without incident. Sandra's feeling confident enough to tell Probst how much she loves Sizzler, perhaps seeing that she can guarantee herself some camera time by sucking up to the sponsor. Next to her, Rupert looks clearly annoyed that he didn't think of that first. Sandra goes on to say that she and her husband love Sizzler so much that they went there twice in the week before he was shipped out of Afghanistan. Way to lay it on thick, Sandra. No way will they edit that out now! Probst is delighted, saying that if Sandra wins the reward she'll get food and "some emotional attachment." We'll see. The only emotions Sandra displays on national television are disdain and anger. J.T. decides to whisper sweet nothings in Li'l Russell's direction, mouthing "hang in there" to him like an inspirational cat poster. Li'l Russell makes a series of pathetic sad "help me!" faces, then interviews that as long as J.T. and the Heroes think he's on the outs with his tribe, he'll have a great in with them come the merge. He says his "Russell seed" is responsible for this, but I think it's more like J.T. and Rupert are dumbasses who are so terrified of the idea of a women's alliance removing them from the game that they screwed themselves over more than a women's alliance ever could have.

Twenty minutes in, the contestants move down to the final teeny tiny foothold. Probst says it's about a quarter-inch wide, which is basically enough room for Amanda's little toe. Colby struggles, as his feet seem to be too big to get any support from the toehold. He soon slips and is out of the challenge. Ha ha ha! Not only is he the first to go, but he also just lost to Jerri. "Hells yeah!" Sandra cheers. This is the most cheerful we've ever seen her. Sandra must love Sizzler. And now Rupert and his supposedly broken toe start to struggle. Sandra, meanwhile, is cool as a cucumber. "You popped out some babies. This ain't nothing," Jerri cheers her on. "Two of 'em. Didn't even get an aspirin!" Sandra says. Probst can't help but laugh at Sassy Sandra. Rupert, on the other hand, is not laughing. He's sweating out of his beard, which is freaking gross. Probst accuses him of "slobbering," which is probably accurate. And then he's out and the Villains get their second point. Sandra rubs it in by electing to stay up for a minute or so longer, just because she can. And then, Amanda starts to shake. Li'l Russell points that out to Courtney, who doesn't seem to be having any trouble whatsoever on her side. Finally, Amanda slips and it's game over. Ha ha ha! Those weak women Probst thought shouldn't be on the strong side of the list totally kicked the Heroes' butts! Jerri bursts into happy steak-anticipating tears. She and Parvati walk away, arm in arm, as Li'l Russell heads over to the Heroes to shake their hands and get words of encouragement from the men. Probst then sends the Heroes away as Sandra totally mocks them by fake crying. If it were anyone else doing that, I'd say she was being a douchebag, but I love Sandra so it's awesome.

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Survivor

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