Survivor Reunion: South Pacific

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | Grade It Now!
Boys Rule, Girls Drool

Probst notes that Albert warned Coach not to bring Sophie. Albert says that he observed everyone, and he noted that Sophie had a select few attributes that would be appealing to a jury. Like what? Followup question, Probst? What attributes? She's awesome? But no, Probst has to do one of his favorite things: the meaningless straw poll to find out what would have happened in an alternate universe. In this case, how would the jury have voted if Coach, Albert, and Rick had made it to the finals. Coach would have won, possibly. So does Coach have regrets. Coach recognizes that this is all meaningless because a different final three would have meant a different jury. Who knows how much Rick's bitterness and Brandon's sense of betrayal and Ozzy's brattitude infected the jury? Also, if Coach had taken Rick, Sophie wouldn't have been around to beat Ozzy in the final challenge and thus Ozzy might have won it. So let's not pretend Coach, Rick, and Albert was a final three that could have happened. Ozzy would have won any final three he was in because the jury was composed of his former tribemates, plus he had a great argument for getting people's votes. In conclusion, and as usual, shut up, Probst. Dumb question.

Coach mentions Ozzy in his answer and everyone goes nuts. Don't encourage him people. Probst does a straw poll and everyone says they would have voted for Ozzy. Probst remembers that Sophie won, but hey, why talk to her again? Let's go to a commercial.

Hey, remember Ozzy? That guy was really awesome, wasn't he? Just ask him. He climbed palm trees and speared fish. What? This wasn't a tree-climbing and fish-spearing contest? Oh, maybe he wasn't that awesome. Probst asks him why he keeps coming back, and Ozzy goes into this whole speech about how he finds God in nature. And says that he doesn't care about the money. At least he does admit that Sophie is amazing, and was the only one who could beat him at a challenge, because she's strong and smart. Probst says he doesn't want to take anything away from Sophie's win (yes he does), and asks Ozzy, "How did you lose when you are so awesome? Were you really tired or what? Because God knows Sophie didn't actually beat you." Ozzy's like, "Totally. I beat myself." And then he talks and talks and talks AND TALKS and Probst doesn't stop him. I timed it. He talks for nearly three minutes, which is INTERMINABLE in television time. I mean, a commercial break is shorter, and think how long those seem most of the time.

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