Survivor Season 1: The Greatest And Most Outrageous Moments

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Striking It Rich a Second Time

The meat of the disk is the two-hour, Dolby Digital, Paramount-logo bearing summation of the first season. "From this tiny Malaysian fishing village," begins the Jeff Probst Voice-Over of Doom as we are taken to the boats where the contestants leave the natives behind to embark on "the adventure of a lifetime." Or at least the adventure of a slow summer TV season. Essentially, we're seeing recycled footage of the first-episode boat ride that will take them to the middle of the South China Sea. People hug (and they've never met?). In fact, Jenna is making it a point to hug everyone she sees. "What's your name?" she asks a shell-shocked Rudy after she's planted a big womanly hug on him. Richard makes a beeline for Greg and introduces himself to his future fantasy boy toy. Dirk gives a weird gangsta lean as he shakes Gervase's hand. We get a lingering shot of Colleen and Greg in a foreshadowing of all the manipulation CBS will later do to make it look as if they're having hot island monkey love. Lots of idle chatter. Ramona and Sue talk. Sean announces that although he's a doctor (cough, cough, BULLSHIT!), he's really a free spirit who likes long walks on beaches that are actually game-show sets. Gretchen listens sympathetically: As someone who has engaged in survivalist skills before, she is well aware of the way gorillas act in the mist. Richard babbles about team management to Sonja. First one to go, last one to leave. Can you feel the love? Rudy holds forth that when people talk about MTV, he's lost. He tells B.B. the only people he knows are Frank Sinatra and Perry Homo. Did he just say "Perry Homo"? DVD closed-captioning activate! Yep. Perry Homo. ["That was in the book, too." -- Wing Chun] Ramona says that in two hours she'll be lying on the floor sick. Man, she's like Kreskin! What amazing prescience. Richard tells Sonja that people could be lying. He points out Sean and mentions that Sean's going around saying he's a doctor. "I've heard that one before!" Richard says, and laughs. Sonja laughs, too, uncomfortably. He tells her that she's a little too trusting. Said the snake to the trusting bunny.

Montage of the boat's wheel, and then Richard speculating that all the boxes on board might be stuff they'll take with them to the island. Richard says they may want the castaways to "grab the shit and throw it overboard." Awwww, yeah! The first cuss word! This is way too hot for TV! Gretchen is examining a map. Sue is showing off a rat trap. (Did they know going in that they'd be eating rat?) Random comments about toilet paper and winning immunity challenges. Jeff Probst, whom we've yet to meet in person, says in voice-over that "in this special presentation of Survivor: Season One, you will relive many of the show's unforgettable moments." God help us. We'll see clips of the auditions and interview tapes. And "experience" never-before-seen footage of life on the island. And Richard's naked ass. Don't forget that, Peachy. The preceding voice over is given throughout fly-over shots of the boat and a view of the island on the horizon. Hey, I think I see Tom Hanks!

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