Survivor II: The So-So and Most Mediocre Moments!
Mad Dog came back just so Keith could try on her granny bra. He makes some seventh-grade joke about having "something to tell the group." The Italian bistro music flares up for Keith's segment. He's not even an Italian chef, is he? We see shots of Keith in his audition tape being ten kinds of active, and then we see him falling out of a tree, which we'll see Tina do later on, as well. We're used to seeing Keith fall from, bump into, run over, and break things. In an audition interview, Keith tells the judges he plans to cook in a pit overnight so when his tribemates wake up in the morning, there's food. He then whips out a package covered in tin foil, which contains a log, which holds in it a bunch of different food. He bribed the judges, but it sounds delicious! There's all sorts of weird crap stuffed in there. He tells them he wants to make "elegant-type meals," as opposed to actually elegant meals. We see the tribes bitching about Keith's rice-making skills. Then a bird shits, complete with sound effects. We actually see the bird lifting up its tail, and then a white stream of fluid shoots out. I half-expect to hear Bob Saget making some lame joke and insist we watch it again. Tina then offers to share her "secret place" with the others. Keith calls her "secret little spot" gorgeous and beautiful. There are lots of kangaroos in Tina's "secret little spot." They walked for an hour to reach Tina's refuge. The other Survivors are amazed that Tina actually left the confines of their Truman Show-esque set. Keith tells the camera that the scenery was so beautiful, it possessed him to write on his hat some kind of ode which concludes, "It just might be God talking." Keith tells us that winning a million dollars is second to his newfound spirituality. After he gets voted off, he says he can now look at his life from the "past, present, and future." Well, seeing the future should be worth at least a million.
Now Jerri's back, and she's cackling again -- something about Ogakor kicking Kucha's ass. A crocodile and a kangaroo -- fair fight? We see a montage of footage from different challenges, and I can't figure out what this has to do with anything until I figure out -- with Peachy's help -- that all of these clips reveal Colby as winner. In his audition tape, Colby does lots of outdoorsy activities, quite like Keith's tape. We see him riding a bull and falling off. Then, in a second-round interview, he looks cute in a button-down shirt and tie. He says that he doesn't really believe the game is about surviving -- because they're given food and shelter -- but that it is about surviving each other. From there we switch to a time when Colby was not surviving his tribemates, particularly Keith. We get to see Colby call Keith a "bozo" again.