MONDO EXTRAS

Now we move to the segment where Peachy instructs Colby, Tina, and Keith to paint three crude replicas of themselves, and to offer them up the ratings gods. Colby talks about how he appreciates all the things from home more now. Tina would appreciate some sunscreen and some moisturizer; she looks incredibly haggard -- as in, "like a hag" -- in these pre-facelift confessionals. It's another Halloween-inspiring moment. She cries because it's time to go home. In her audition tape, Tina stands in front of various places in Knoxville and then falls out of a tree. I wonder how many Survivor coaches advise applicants to fall off something in order to maximize their chances of being selected.

As we approach the final vote, my heart is racing with anticipation....for the end of this blasted show. We all know who voted for whom; we all know Peachy self-importantly got on a helicopter clutching his toupee and the urn. Five months for all of us, five facelifts for Tina, and fifty pounds for Colby later, we have a decision. We know, we know. Tina wins. No one cares anymore.

There's a special preview for Africa. It's not so special anymore considering it already debuted.

As the credits roll, we get clips from the Survivor Finale Party. I don't know why they just wouldn't air this from start to finish. The drunken ramblings of the cast -- Jeff Varner in particular -- would have been far more entertaining than this verging-on-offensive rehashing of material that was barely interesting the first time we saw it. Instead of anything fun at all, we just see shots of various Survivors having their pictures taken with fans. Most outrageous!

And then, just when I think I'm getting a break and this damn thing is finally over, it's time for the special presentation: "Retrospective Interviews with the Final 10." Don't go thinking you're getting fresh material here, because "Retrospective" really means "the morning after the show aired when they were kicked off." If you watched The Early Show appearances throughout the season, this is nothing new for you. But since I never recapped them -- or even saw most of them -- I'll muddle through.