Survivor
Survivor Smacked Me in the Chops

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The Facts of Life

Probst pulls up to the Barge of Contestants on his motor boat and hops aboard. The contestants have already been split into three tribes, and Probst asks Jeff Kent what he thinks about that. Keep in mind, Jeff Kent hasn't told anyone he's Jeff Kent yet - I just like calling him that, because it reminds me of Steve Holt. Anyway, Jeff Kent is anxious about there being three tribes, because if you go to Tribal Council, your odds aren't as good. Dumb jock do math good! Zane adds that he's happy with three tribes, as long as there aren't any celebrities. Lisa looks nervous. Probst asks Roxanne a very leading question about people getting injured, and Roxanne recounts Russell's departure, although she doesn't know his name. Probst uses this as an opening to reveal that there are three returning players, and then the returnees join them on the barge. Probst introduces each of them and then sends Russell to the blue tribe, Penner to the red tribe, and Skupin to the yellow tribe. Skupin immediately recognizes Lisa as Blair, and almost calls her that, but manages to contain himself. Skupin tells Probst that he's thrilled to be there, and then Probst reminds them that Hidden Immunity Idols are in play this season, but that's all the information they're getting for now.

With all of the introductions out of the way, Probst tells them that the boat is loaded with supplies, so they will now have sixty seconds to grab what they can, get a raft, and get overboard. Everyone scrambles as Probst lists off all the goodies they don't have enough time to grab: fruit, chickens (no, really), wood. Penner suggests that his team get a machete if possible, which Probst characterizes as "Penner yelling out instructions." As time runs down, things get more chaotic, and Probst tells the teams to drop their rafts. Some of them untie their rafts with items on there, and the items sink to the bottom of the ocean. This includes a chicken in a cage, and I hope someone saved it, because while I don't have a problem with them eating the chicken, I do have a problem with them drowning it for no reason. I'm weird that way. Jeff Kent has one foot on the raft as Penner shoves it into the water, and he falls overboard and twists his knee on the way down. Probst counts down to when they have to get off the boat, and Penner asked a question earlier that Probst didn't answer: what happens if they don't make it in time? Is there a penalty? Anyway, everyone gets off the boat, and many supplies sink to the bottom of the ocean.

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Survivor

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