Survivor
Survivor Smacked Me in the Chops

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The Facts of Life

Probst gives them a few minutes to decide their pairs. The women on Matsing want to be the runners, but Russell mansplains to them that they need to calm down and let him take charge. But he doesn't want to be a leader! So don't get it twisted! Russell says that he's terrible at puzzles and he's more physical. Angie says she's the same and so does Roxanne, but Russell shuts them down and says, "You two do the puzzle." They can't even argue with him, I guess? They don't, anyway.

So the first leg is running into the jungle and retrieving oars while tied to your partner. The yellow team returns to the beach first, with Russell and Zane right behind, but Zane is dying and can't run, and Russell has to pull him the last hundred feet. The red team is way behind but I think they backloaded their team and purposely put the weakest links first. In fact, the red team catches up to the blue team in the water, and the blue team takes FOREVER to get their chest back up to the beach. Yellow is first to start their puzzle, with red not too far behind. Blue now has a huge deficit. And red has Penner doing their puzzle, and we know he's great at them. Lisa turns out to be great at puzzles for yellow, and it's tight between yellow and red, right down to the last piece. But the red team, Kalabaw, finishes first. Yellow, Tandang, is seconds behind. So that means the blue team, Matsing, will be going to Tribal Council. Angie snipes that she said she wasn't good at puzzles. Probst asks Matsing about their loss and Russell tries to say something philosophical about how they'll have to do better next time but Probst reminds him that, for one of them, there won't be a next time. I can't quite figure out how it's gone so badly for Russell so quickly. He obviously had good intentions starting out, but he's subverted himself at every turn.

Back at camp, Russell sees fit to give his tribe another speech about how to win at challenges, because he's an expert somehow? Zane tells everyone that he's learned that you have to give it your all at challenges and he's learned that he just can't. He basically tells everyone to vote him off. He says that he deserves it. In an interview, Zane says that this was all a ruse and he hopes that everyone loves him enough to keep him. Huh? How is that a strategy? If this were Dan from Big Brother, I might believe it would work, but Zane just seems confused. Especially because he says next that he's playing chess the best way he knows how, and he hopes they will king him. But in chess, you don't... in checkers, you... I just can't.

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