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Grass Jerri's Ass!

Last week on Survivor, Jeff got sick and Jerri made Joanna sick. Kimmi wouldn't shut up, and the Kucha tribe spoke -- and loudly so -- to Debb.

It's Day 4 at Kucha and Jeff's got his bitch on. He tells us that Mike got up early, put a pot of rice on the stove, and disappeared. Jeff is Kucha's Jerri -- he likes stirring up the trouble. As the others wake up, Jeff says that he hopes they are hungry and that he's "not hungry at all." When the others don't immediately join in the bitchfest, Jeff says that's Mike's rice-making was "totally not cool," and Alicia responds, "When it comes to food, it has to be a group decision," and is very. Exact. In her gesturing and speech. She tells us that the act of making rice is just an indication of "Mike being Mike. About himself." Mike then tells us they've been having breakfast every morning, and that he thought he was being helpful. Helpful, maybe; stupid, definitely. We then see that the real problem is that the rice turned out badly. Kimmi graciously calls it "rice porridge" and says they can use it as "wallpaper glue and hold everything together." Jeff tells us that it is "mushy and just nasty," and that while he's PMS-ing -- which is all the time -- he prefers chocolatey things. Mike can't believe that they not only didn't appreciate his act, but that "they didn't like it." Kimmi says, "Mike, baby, I love you, but you're not qualified." I just can't see rice being that badly ruined. I've made my fair share of bad rice before, but when you're starving, bad rice is about the best bad thing you could ask for. Not that my sympathies lie with Mike -- they lie with no one except Rodger in this godawful tribe. Mike tells us that the others are just ignorant. Whistling through his fingers and saddling up his high horse, he says, "I am a student of nutrition, and I know what this is doing to my body." He says that the only way to prove to the others how much they need food is for him to provide them with their first real meal, so that if they "feel full one time," they will be convinced. I'm sure at least one of the other Kucha members has, without Mike's aid, been sated in his/her life at least one time, and that they all know they need food; they'd just like some say in when and what that is. Besides, if there was one "student of nutrition" on that team, my money's on Alicia.

Kel is Ogakor's self-appointed fisherman. Mitchell, who appears to be a student of malnutrition, tells us, "Part of me thinks it's because he feels if he does catch a fish that might, um, keep him here longer." I have trouble seeing what's wrong with that. Restful Dog says, "There's a time to be energized, and there's a time to just chill out." So everyone except Kel heads off to the "family whirlpool," which appears to be about one and a half feet of muddy water, which they lay in. Aw -- Maralyn wears a grandma swimsuit. Jerri exclaims that they're "hanging out just like they're on vacation," and Mitchell gets stuck on the fantasy of being on vacation with Jerri, while I get stuck on the nightmare. Seriously, Mitchell is completely under Jerri's (wicked) spell.

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