Swimming With Sharks

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 2 USERS: C
The Rupert Show Is Cancelled

To wit, Burton steps up and hits Rupert with a triple. Now, because Rupert is a killer, he loses killer status and two lives instead of losing all three lives. Sandra now steps up and takes a shot, and she...hits Rupert, taking his last life. Heh. I have no idea if she did that on purpose or not, but I really don't care, because it's hilarious either way. Rupert, of course, seethes. Again. Some more. Jon grins, but passes it off as rueful, which it really, really isn't. Heh. Sandra puts her hands on her head miserably.

Shooting follows, in which everybody else just tries to get near the board as Burton gradually takes them out. He knocks out Sandra. He knocks out Tijuana. He knocks out Jon. He knocks out Lill. See, Rupert? Burton. Aaaanyway, Burton wins immunity again, some more. He gives Lill a hug, and accepts the Supreme Cutlass from Jeff. Looks good on you, cutie-pie. (Yes, I am a bad person. And shallow. And easy to please.) Jeff reminds Burton that he will have the freedom to give immunity away at tribal council if he chooses. Everyone heads back to camp.

Wait, Tom Cruise is a samurai now? Do they allow Scientologists?

When we return, we see the beginning of the funniest and most anvillicious piece of symbolism in the history of Survivor, I would venture to say. Basically, a large lizard is being eaten by a snake that looks far too small to eat it at first. I think that by the time we're watching this, by the way, the lizard is alive, but pretty out of it, having been venomously bitten, so it's not exactly a vision of suffering. Just digestion, a very natural thing in the animal kingdom. Anyway, the snake puts its mouth around this huge lizard and just starts very gradually working the lizard into its mouth. It's very impressive, like watching a guy swallow a pumpkin.

Back on the beach, the tribe is returning from the blowhard immunity challenge -- which, if you think about it, really should have heavily favored Rupert. He voices over that the challenge "pissed the hell out of [him]." He complains that he "was clearly the best dart-blower there," so it just wasn't fair that he didn't win. Of course, he may or may not have been the most accurate (Burton looked to be similarly skilled), but he was certainly not the most strategic, as explained previously. He insists that Sandra obviously didn't do it on purpose, but he suspects that Burton knew what he was doing. Uh, you think? Catch up, Rupert. Take it out of neutral, for God's sake. Elsewhere, Burton and Jon solidify the Rupert-booting plan, reminding each other that neither of them can beat anyone else. In an interview, Jon says that he's happy about sending Rupert home, and that even though he promised not to vote for Rupert again, he considers Survivor promises not to be the real kind. I'm really tired of "Amen, brother"ing Jon during this episode. It's making my head hurt.

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